Die, Plot Bunnies, DIE!
by slyfoxcub
Summary: Me clearing out my Doc Manager. Quite a few Harry Potter X-overs in here. You may see a few reoccurring OCs.
1. Chapter 1

**Anko-is-Fem!Harry AU.**

 **Timeline:**

 **Anko becomes genin at ten because Orochimaru is interested in her parseltongue and an ability to apparate when her life is in danger. A year later (Anko is eleven) Orochimaru takes Anko to Wave, giving her the curse mark. Because it was a fairly early version, it changed her hair colour to purple-brown. Orochimaru returns to Konoha without Anko; and is kicked out/runs off when the ANBU and the Third Hokage find his underground laboratory. ANBU sent to Wave find one of Orochimaru's labs and Anko lying comatose and half-starved in a cave on the beach. Twelve-year-old Anko is taken back to Konoha and given therapy. Though she is still a ward of Konoha, her supervision is given to Morino Ibiki and the T &I division because her Yamanaka therapist thought it would be beneficial to everyone if they could channel her craziness and trust issues in a way that would benefit the village. At thirteen, Anko becomes chunin and a high ranking officer of T&I as Ibiki's apprentice.**

 **At this point, relations with Iwa are strained and there is a distant possibility of conflict. This is still the Third Hokage's first term of office, but he is seriously considering Minato to be his successor. Minato is just getting acquainted with his genin team (Kakashi, Obito and Rin) and has been dating Kushina for a few months.**

* * *

"I have to say, these trees are fascinating," McGonagall said aloud, peering up at distant branches while holding up a hand to shade her eyes from the sun. "Giant trees that act as natural anti-apparition wards. Pomona would love them."

"Humph!" Grunted Alastor Moody, his glass eye rolling back and forth, looking in all directions. "I don't like it, it's perfect for an ambush. And there's something out there as well."

"Oh, lighten up Moody!" Grinned Tonks, but her hand slid to her wand holster just in case. "It's probably the local wildlife, that's all."

Dumbledore said nothing as he marched on ahead.

As they neared the main gate, the four grouped together more tightly, with the Headmaster in front and Moody at the back. Dumbledore approached the woman in the toll booth with a well-practiced twinkle in his eye. The woman looked up with a bored expression.  
"Passports," she said, merely raising an eyebrow at the motley group. When none of them made any sort of move to produce the necessary paperwork, she sighed.

"No entry without the proper documentation. Unless you can get someone of chunin rank or above, or an otherwise noted member of the village to vouch for you."

"Is there a girl named Potter Heather available?" Dumbledore asked politely, increasing the 'harmless-old-grandfather' twinkle in his eyes. "Black hair, bright green eyes, about fourteen? Once we talk to her I'm sure we'll be allowed in."

The chunin quickly looked down to rifle through the papers under her desk before looking back up. "There is no Potta Hezā registered, so I'm afraid I can't let you in."

She ducked below the booth window as the old man with the beard pointed a stick at her and said 'obliviate'. She pressed the alarm button under her desk as she did so. There were several body flickers, and the ANBU who had been watching the group from the trees as they came down the road materialised. Each of the wizards found themselves with small, diamond-shaped knives at their throats and surrounded by men and women in black and grey body armour donning ghostly white masks.

"Thank you, Vine Weevil," the chunin said as she appeared from her booth. "Some people just don't seem to understand the meaning of the word 'no'."

"Always good to be of assistance, Yoruha-san," the one who was holding a kunai to Moody's jugular vein said, mask decorated with a rectangular pattern of dark brown and black lines vaguely reminiscent of an insect's chitin plating. "I agree. A lot of people seem to have no manners these days. Maybe Morino-san can teach them some."

* * *

From what Moody could gather, the masked people were the equivalent of the Unspeakables back in Britain. Personally, he thought that the white masks, that made them look like Death Eaters, and animal code names had a higher intimidation factor than the black hooded robes of the Unspeakables. And now Albus had brought a whole squad of them down on their heads. They had also been knocked out by some sort of gas the masked ones were carrying and now they had been imprisoned in small, dark holding cells.

The squad leader, Vine Weevil, had told them that because their offence was minimal, they wouldn't be strip-searched. Thank Merlin for small mercies. The did, however, seem rather interested in Tonks, who had displayed her metamorphmagi abilities during a panicked attempt to stay awake when they had been knocked out via gas. If they ever got back to London, he was going to give her so many control exercises she wouldn't have any free time for the next five years. Now the masked ones were bandying the phrase 'kekkei genkai' around.

"Well now," a loud, confidant voice announced from the entrance to the holding cell wing. "Vine Weevil mentioned my new volunteers were an interesting bunch, and he was right!"

The man was reasonably young, roughly mid-twenties with tanned skin and a black bandanna tied around his head. He also wore a long black coat that billowed impressively, reminiscient of Snape, as he swept down the row of cells, commenting on each of their group in turn.

"An old woman..."

McGonagall huffed angrily.

"...an old man with no fashion sense..."

Silence, but there was no twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes now.

"...a young woman with a transformation kekkei genkai..."

Tonks stiffened, fingers twitching nervously.

"...and a highly trained, yet badly mangled war veteran with what appears to be a fake byakugan."

Moody scowled deeply at him, the expression creasing the scar tissue around the empty socket where they had taken his false eye. When they had confiscated it along with their wands, it's ability to detect magic flow had sent them all into a right tizzy.

The man grinned. It was not a comforting expression. It reminded him of the face of Bellatrix Lestrange when feeling sadistic and malicious.

"My name is Morino Ibiki, I'll be your interrogator today. Fortunately for you, my apprentice has the day off today, so you won't have to suffer her practicing on you."

Considering that the masked man guarding his cell shuddered slightly at the mention of this apprentice, Moody decided that they were all incredibly lucky. But when he looked again at the smiling Morino Ibiki, he didn't feel very comforted.

* * *

On the other side of the village, a lone ANBU cleared the fence that marked out the boundaries of Training Ground 44. Once she was a little way inside, she lifted her mask just enough to reveal her mouth and let out a six-note whistle. Buoyed by chakra, the sound travelled far into the trees. After a few minutes, an answering four-note chakra-laced whistle came back.

Now that she had permission to approach, the ANBU shot off through the trees towards the source of the second whistle. As she neared, the giant snakes that inhabited the forest lifted their heads to observe the visitor, but after tasting the air, laid back down. They knew her, she was a friend of the Speaker who was already here.

As the ANBU continued, she noted that the snakes were more frequent. She even recognised a few now; Kowareta was the one with a chipped fang, Chidarake had a snout that was mostly scar tissue and Akui was the bad-tempered one with one eye.

The clearing up ahead was chock full of snakes of all sizes; not just the giant ones, but small ones hung from trees and branches.

The ANBU noted this, but focused on the girl sitting on the stomach of the biggest snake there. Lifting her hand, she waved. The girl grinned and waved back, before beckoning her over. The ANBU complied with a quick body flicker.

"Hi, Ikue," Mitarashi Anko grinned. "Aren't you supposed to be on duty right now?"

∆Medical leave.∆ Ikue signed with the ANBU hand code. ∆Temporary. Voice strain from practising. Chakra system strain. No chakra or voice one day.∆

Anko nodded in understanding. Uta-Tori Ikue, ANBU Nightingale, had a voice-based kekkei genkai that let her channel chakra into her four separate voice-boxes; allowing her to create genjutsu and precision wind attacks. Originally, the civilian Council had tried to use her to start a new Clan, but being inducted into ANBU on the sly had saved her from the fate of a brood-mare.

Anko frowned. "If you're not allowed to use chakra, then how did you make our secret whistle?"

∆No shinobi listen to healer orders. My chakra fine. Voice strain still.∆

"Hah! That's true. I suppose loads of ANBU ignore healer's orders too. Hey," she broke off suddenly, eyes narrowing. "You did bring it, didn't you?"

Underneath her mask, Ikue smirked. She reached into her black cloak and drew out a white paper bag, tossing it to Anko. The girl tore open the bag and stuffed the dango ball into her mouth with a blissful expression. "Kami, I needed that. You're the best, Ikue."

∆New four prisoner waiting. Attack gate chunin. Knew you want to know.∆ Ikue signed as she pulled a second bag of dango from her robe and sat down next to her friend.

"Thanks. Ibiki can have them though. This is my day off and I'm going to spend it with my friends," Anko said between bites.

A Yamakagashi slithered up to them, chequered black and orange scales a stark contrast to the deep olive green of the giant they were sitting on. It's tongue flickered and it hissed at Anko in a language only she could understand. She rolled her eyes as she tossed it a dango ball. A moment later, and a particularly smug snake had a large bulge in it's throat.

"Even if the scaly ones are unrepentant egotistical beggars," Anko sighed.

* * *

The second that the flash of fire in the Hokage's office faded away to reveal four people, the ANBU had blades of varying sizes held to their throats and other vital spots before they could move.

"As much as I appreciate the distraction from my paperwork; start talking before I have my ANBU eviscerate you, the med-nins put you back together and Torture & Interrogation make you talk faster," Sarutobi drawled lazily as he leaned back in his chair, seemingly unfazed. Out of sight, his hand signals resulted in two of the three ANBU surrounding his desk disappearing to check on the T&I Department. The containment breach would have to be sealed, control regained and Ibiki informed.


	2. Dem Bones, Dem Dry Bones

**A quick appetizer for you guys while I continue raising the other plot bunnies(for slaughter).**

Just so we're clear, I hate probability. I hated it in math class, I hate how it's related to karma and I hate that it reincarnated me into a shounen fighting anime. Oh, and according to canon? I end up being locked in a cell my entire childhood, being forced by my clan into mass suicide, brainwashed by Orochimaru and dying horribly of a debilitating disease mid-battle.

Yeah, I'm Kimimaro, the last Kaguya. I am currently three and a half and locked in a dark cell. My life has officially never sucked so much, and I know it's only going to get suckier.

At least there are positives.

1) I have one of the strongest Kekkai Genkai currently in use. Think about it; I(canon-future me) fought a Jinchuuriki(Gaara) and a taijutsu _prodigy_ to a standstill/exhaustion, while dying and moving under willpower alone. Basically, I am Badass.

2) I'm going to be in a prime position to affect canon.

3) I can potentially undermine Orochimaru.

* * *

So, what am I currently doing, you ask?  
Well, all of my relatives are such _lovely_ people they deign to _talk_ to me and _lend me things to pass the time_ and _give me nice food_. All sunshine and daisies here; please, note the sarcasm.

I'm making my own entertainment. I sing songs that I remember from my own time, sometimes in English, sometimes I try and translate them into Japanese, but the words never fit quite right. After a lot of careful experimentation, I figured out how to grow bone knives. Thankfully, the whole 'protruding through the skin' thing doesn't hurt quite as much as it sounds. I think my nerves temporarily shut down/disconnect at the the point of exit or something, so it's more of a dull ache.

Now, because I am in a bloody cave, the decor leaves much to be desired. So I tried to grow my bones into animal shapes and make some nice statuettes. Harder than it looks, but certain species are easier. My giraffes are the best of the lot, but mainly I think because they have long limbs anyway. When I got bored of that, I started carving the wall. No, not depressing faces like canon-me, we're talking William Morris, Celtic knot, Henna, Medieval illustration style patterns, scenes, letters, animals and landscapes. I was a pretty sweet drawer in my other life; I got three A-levels in Art and Design.

* * *

Okay, in about two/three years time, I'm going to end up the last of my clan and free. So, I have a plan.

I'm going to join up with Orochimaru.  
Don't give me those looks, just hear me out!

When I meet Orochimaru at that lake, I'm going to lead him back here to the Kaguya clan settlement under the pretense of collecting my stuff, but in reality, I'll give him access to whatever my clan have lying around. Why? Because the reason canon-future-me died so young was because Kabuto didn't have my medical history. It could buy me some time. Also, I would actually like to take my stuff with me.

Then, I'm going to make contact with Juugo, and ditch Orochimaru then and there. I'm taking us both to Konoha. Mainly because I want to screw over Orochimaru by not giving him what he needs to make the Curse Seal. But also, Juugo's a really sweet guy and I want us both on the 'good guys' side in this universe. Konoha has Jiraiya, who could possibly help Juugo, and they have(or will have) Tsunade, who could help me. I could trade them knowledge of Orochimaru's experiments in return, which I'm sure they would like to have.

* * *

Well, this is where everything changes. I'm in front of Juugo's cave. Oh, and I'm holding the fluffy white puppy that he scared off. I'm a sucker for animals, I know, and I'm a dog-person. I tie the puppy to the branch of a tree with some string I have in my sealing 'may-come-in-useful' scroll. I've got everything in there.

The fight with Juugo wasn't much of a fight, I just restrained him with my own spine(which still creeps me out when I do it, because the biology classes from my old life scream at me). I give the 'I will be your cell' speech. And then I change the world.

"I've heard of someone who might be able to help you, Juugo. I'll come with you and try and help you get in contact with him."  
He looks at me with these big puppy eyes and inside I'm just going 'dawwwwww'.

"Really? I don't have to kill anymore?"

"I don't know about that, I can't see the future; but if we get that wild side of you under control, you don't have to worry about killing the people you want to protect."

"Protect?"

Ummm...think of something cool to say...steal Gaara's backstory? "Yeah. In order to really live, you need a purpose. Living for no reason, is the same as being dead. Living for yourself destroys you from the inside out and makes you weak, so you need to live for someone else and protect those precious to you."

"But they'll all see the monster and hate me!"

"Then protect me."

"..."

"I know the real you; I know you aren't a monster and I don't hate you. I'll protect you and others from yourself and you can watch my back."

"Really?"

I smile and nod. "Yeah. Come on now, we can get going right away. If we run, we can make it to the next town by noon."

We walk out of the cave, and then I remember the puppy tied to the tree. Juugo is surprised to see it as I untie it and it runs towards him, yipping happily.  
"I didn't know if he was yours, so I left him out here until I came out with you," I say. Juugo's cuddling it in his arms as he blushes. So CUTE!

"He's not mine, but he followed me around all day yesterday and he didn't want to leave."

I shrug. "He can come with us, I don't mind and I like dogs. And I've heard that looking after an animal has a calming effect."

* * *

And that's how Juugo, the puppy newly-named Chinsei, and I joined up. We stopped at the river behind the town briefly.

"What are you doing?" Juugo asked as he sat on the bank.  
"White hair and red face markings like mine aren't common or natural for civilians," I say, unrolling my sealing scroll. "We need to look like travellers while we go through towns."

I unseal some blankets, cooking utensils and twine. Rolling up the blankets, I tie them with the utensils threaded onto the twine. I cut two large branches from the surrounding trees and smoothed both ends, forming staves. Now, we had two traveller's bundles. I toss one to Juugo, before henging myself. Now I'm a head taller than Juugo, with orange hair darker and more brown than his and stubble on my chin.

"Our cover story is that we're nephew and uncle itinerant workers who've saved up just enough to move to Konoha for a new life. Your name is Juushiro, my name is Kimaru. Your father was killed by bandits and your mother died of sickness in the winter; both when you were quite young. You're excited because you want to learn to read and write and become a successful merchant. Only I can read, but just a little bit, and I want to just own my own house and have a steady job. I call you Juu-kun, which you complain about because you're almost grown up and you refer to me as Kim-oji. Got it?"

Juugo boggled at me for a moment, before nodding hesitantly and hefting his bundle up onto his shoulder. "Ah, Kimi...Kim-oji? We're going to Konoha?"

"Yeah. Konoha's generally the most tolerant of the shinobi Villages. And by that read slightly more ethical when it comes to getting what they want and less likely to stab you in the back if they don't like you. I have a near-extinct Kekkai Genkai, which they'll want, and you're very strong, which they'll also want.  
They also have contact with the man Jiraiya of the Sannin, who's a Seal Master. He's the one I think can help you."

* * *

There are two bandits following us down the road. Shitty job of looking like they aren't interested. Thank God they don't seem to have noticed the songbirds fluttering around Juugo. Still...

"Juu-kun, what have I told about feeding the birds?" I snap. "I know you like birds, but that food is for us!"  
He looks at me, registers the quick flick of my eyes towards our followers and proceeds to play the 'chastised child' card remarkably well.

The bandits keep their distance until Juugo and I stop for the night, kindling a fire and both (feigning) sleeping like ignorant civilians would. Despite the fact that a civilian wouldn't have heard the two men approaching, to a shinobi, especially one trained by a Sannin to be the best of the best, they were bloody pathetic.

I couldn't let any sort of word get back to Orochimaru, so I killed them. Nothing flashy, just a Shunshin behind them and slitting their throats with one of my bone daggers.

Oh yes, you're probably wondering why I haven't gone mentally unstable from killing people while having a very civilian set of life morals in my memories. Simple. It's a side affect of the Yang chakra Kaguya use to manipulate their bones; for some reason a Kaguya just can't get battle stress while using their Kekkai Genkai. All the conflicting hormones get converted into chakra, much in the same way an Akimichi's Yang nature allows them to convert fat and calories into chakra. So while I'm fighting, I don't actually feel anything. It's like I'm just floating in a swimming pool, the water blocking the majority of emotion from reaching me. However, according to Kabuto's research, to the rest of my clan who couldn't use their bones like I could, it's like being totally high. That's why they were addicted to brutal slaughter, they couldn't get enough of it.  
Me however, gets the safe benefit of never having a battle-related nervous breakdown. I an seriously in love with karma right now, forget what I said before.

* * *

Okay. This is the big one. The gates of Konoha are roughly just under half a mile down this road.

You know, Juugo didn't get much expansion on his character in canon. But travelling with the guy for the past few days has been really nice. I only had to calm him down twice, but both episodes passed really quickly. His ability to 'talk' to animals keeps giving me Disney vibes, but it's beginning to cement one of my theories about his little condition. We started to open up to each other, the both us reminiscing about our childhood confinement. Of course, I would have loved to roam the countryside like Juugo did, while he would have been quite pleased with being so securely restrained.

Back to the present though. From Pain's invasion, I know that there's a barrier around the Village which detects intruders. So I have to presume that once Juugo and I cross it - where it starts though, I don't know - we're going to be watched. And we do not want to make a bad impression. I remove the henge, reseal all our stuff into my scroll and tell Juugo that we're going to walk in with our hands visible and open.

I have to say this though, those main gates are pretty impressive. I wonder how many shinobi it took to get them into place? Or was it just two Akimichi at full size? Still, it's the two Chunin in the Gatehouse we have to worry about. Not that we couldn't take them if it came down to it, but we need need to present our case in a way that won't make every active ninja want to stab us full of sharp and pointy things. Well, I stab myself full of pointy things every time I use Shikotsumyaku but that's beside the point. Hah hah, puns. Oh Kami, this it; I'm going to change the timeline. Hahahahaha...What the HELL AM I DOING? I CAN'T DO THIS I'LL MESS THIS UP BEYOND COMPREHENSION AND ALL OF US ARE GOING TO DIE! WE-E'RE ALL DOOMED! DOOMED I TELL YOU! DOOMED!

...

Thank all of the Kami I didn't say that last bit out loud.

The two Chunin, Izumo and Kotetsu I think it is, stand outside their Gatehouse, ready for us. Kotetsu(?) lets his hand fall to his kunai pouch. Juugo and I continue our approach, but then I hear the laboured gasps from Juugo that signal that he's about to have one of his episodes. In front of Konoha. Shit.

I stop abruptly and execute a sharp turn, slamming my hands into Juugo's chest. The markings are curling across his face, but they promptly retreat when I brush chakra from my hands against his network. He looks at me sheepishly and I sigh.

"It's okay," I whisper. "I'll tell them that you need me to keep calm, but it's extremely likely they'll separate us for a while at first. I want you to stay calm as much as you can. Take Chinsei with you," I say, scooping up the wriggling puppy and depositing the little guy into his hands.

"Can we...help...you guys with something?" Yeah, Izumo and Kotetsu are just behind us. They both have kunai in their hands. Juugo instinctively hugs Chinsei closer, while I spread out my empty hands to show that I'm not a threat.

"Chunin-san," I start. "I am Kimimaro of the Kaguya Clan. Behind me is Juugo of the Scales. I cannot say much more; listening ears are everywhere. We wish for an audience with Sandaime Hokage-sama. We are running from enemies of Konoha and seek help from this Village." Then, because I can't resist it, "Please take care of us."

* * *

I always thought that the Hokage's office looked kind of empty in the show and to someone like me, who's spent most of their (current)life underground, all those floor-to-ceiling windows send alarms running through my head.  
Anyways, the show never quite captured the sheer _presence_ the Sandaime had. Well, how could it? It's just frames. Only in person can you really register the...the... _aura,_ yes let's go with that word, the man has. It just fills up the room and right now, all of it's focused on little ol' us.

It's like a chimpanzee. Yes, they're like cuddly, wizened children when you look at them. But a full-grown chimp, despite it's small size, can bend solid steel bars, rip out your throat with ease and troops in the wild will systematically hunt down and tear apart small monkeys for food.  
Similarly, the Sandaime resembles a harmless old grandpa smoking his pipe. But it would be no bet at all that he could tear _us_ apart in less than two seconds if the whim took him.

I fall into the deepest formal bow I can pull off without it looking awkward. "My deepest thanks, Honourable Sandaime-sama, for permitting us to speak with you." Yes, I am going to play the respectful card; I do _not_ want to be on his bad side, thank-you-very-much.

"You said you were fleeing from enemies of this Village, did you not?" He says above my head. Oh Kami, he hasn't said I can straighten up yet. With my neck exposed like this, both sides of my memories, but mostly the shinobi one, are screaming at me to stop baring one of my vital points to a man I barely know. Yet, if I stand up from my bow, it could be considered an insult.  
"What reason can you offer for me to take in two shinobi from another Village, especially a reason so delicate that you seek to tell it to my ears alone? Rise, and speak."

I straighten up. I can sense Juugo huddling closer to me. I take a deep breath.

"Sandaime-sama, while Juugo here is an unaffiliated shinobi, I have renounced the tutelage of...Orochimaru."

The violent spike in the Sandaime's chakra sends the two of us diving to the floor on instinct. Chinsei yelps and tries to burrow further under Juugo, while us two are left breathless and choking. Suddenly, the chakra pressure stops and the old man is standing over us.

"Why do you run from him?"

"Soul-transferring ninjutsu, his immortality," I gasp out. "Needs a strong host. I was chosen. Wanted Juugo for experiments. Sent me to collect, but we ran. Can offer info on current experiments, base locations, personnel. Leave Juugo alone, he has no part in this; he's just sick. He needs my presence to stop his regression."

Next thing I know, my wrists are grabbed and chakra-suppression sealing tags slapped on. A sharp pinch on the pressure point in my neck and I'm go...'

* * *

 **Well, do I have your interest? I thought this would be an interesting thing to write, especially the effects of Orochimaru not getting the curse seal. Also, this is a number of firsts for me: first SI fic, first first-person fic.**

 **And as much as I do enjoy SIs, I am getting tired of all the cracking-under-stress insanity. Not that this Kimimaro's personality isn't going to be weird, but only within the realms of quirky/thinking-outside-the-box.**


	3. Dem Bones, Dem Dry Bones 2

**Here we have a little break, where we see how everyone else is reacting. And Kimimaro annoys the hell out of T &I. And I will admit, writing myself as myself is kind of addictive when it's not all angsty.**

Sarutobi Hiruzen, Sandaime Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato, was feeling slightly confused. Two shinobi had turned up at the gates, asking rather politely for asylum and an audience with him. He wasn't all that prepared for the young ages of the two. The first was only about eight, skin showing the paleness of a life underground, bone-white hair and what appeared to be red clan markings on the brow and eyelids. The second was a stringy, broad-shouldered boy that, judging from the lines of the face, would be somewhere around thirteen years old. That one held a white puppy in his arms like it was a lifeline.

He would admit that he let his temper slip slightly when Kimimaro said that he had been Orochimaru's student. When he said that he had fled being used for one of Orochimaru's depraved jutsus, while saving an innocent, he reined in his anger.

After knocking the two out, he called for Ibiki. This matter would have to be handled delicately.

* * *

I could really go for pasta right now. Why did it have to be a Feudal Japan-based universe? WHY?!  
I suppose I could give making it a go; the shells are just water, flour and eggs, right? Onions and meat will be available and tomatoes shouldn't be a...tomatoes weren't native to Japan, were they? I'm pretty sure they came from America. Yet Sasuke's favourite food is tomatoes. Huh. Oh well; never look a gift horse in the mouth.

I think the soup they gave me was tomato and vegetable based as well. Oh yeah, I'm being hosted by T&I. No, they're under orders not use physical implements. I'm in the 'nice' cells as well; the ones when they're bribing their guests or they're restraining high profile political prisoners. Since Juugo and I qualify as refugees, that's where we are. I wonder how they would react if I offered to make them pasta? They'd think it was poisoned, obviously, but their expressions would be a sight to see.

Seriously, I miss sooo many things. Pasta, toffee apples, computers, computer games, a load of books, a load of movies, cars, mum and dad, my family, garlic bread, roast dinners, breakfast pastries, yoghurt-coated cranberries...okay, now I'm hungry and that soup feels like ages ago. Like, yeeeears.

And I'm booorrrrred. With these chakra seals on, I can't grow my bones. Well, actually, that's not strictly true. Yes, both the Akimichi and the Kaguya use Yang chakra. However, the Akimichi only have an _affinity_ for Yang chakra; therefore they have to use handseals for their Expansion techniques and the only refinement is expanding individual body parts at a time.  
Myself, on the other hand, have a _Kekkai Genkai_ for Yang chakra. I do not need handseals; I only need to direct my chakra. The downside is that I can manipulate _only_ my bones. And these seals on my wrists only keep my chakra from reaching my skin and the outside. The bones inside my body, although, are fair game.

But, I only like my bones _where I can see them._ Yes, that sounds incredibly stupid, but I refuse to mess with any organ-connected bones except in an emergency. Ribs and spine are a big no-no. What if I punctured one of my internal organs, because I can't see where the bone inside of me is growing?! Also, Yang chakra is a big part of medical chakra. Without Yang chakra in my skin to numb the area and mend the exit, bones coming out through my skin would hurt like all hell and leave a gaping bloody hole.

Well, nothing else to do but annoy the living daylights out the guards who are watching my every move. In my past life, I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. This body, however, has quite a nice voice.

"Hello mother, hello father.  
Here I am at, Camp Grenada...'"

"'...They're coming to take me away, haha,  
They're coming to take me away, hoho,  
Hehe, haha...'"

 _'I regret nothing...'_

* * *

"...And it's so easy when you're eeevil,  
this is the life you see,  
the Devil tips his hat to me.

I do it all because I'm eeevil,  
And I do it all for free:  
Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need!..."

Tobitake Tonbo had to consciously stop himself from tapping his foot along. He stared at the other prisoner, name of Juugo.  
"Is this...normal for him?"

Juugo looked up at him. "He sings when he's bored, but can't draw. He drew quite the crowd when we passed through some towns and it got us enough money to buy fresh food. He sang while we traveled as normal civilians. Once he gets bored of singing, I don't know what will happen."

"Would he listen if we asked him to tone it down?"

"Just give him a piece of paper and a pencil. If you ask nicely, he does requests."

* * *

"...Like a tunnel that you follow to a tunnel of its own...'" Ibiki sighed as a Yamanaka walked past, humming. Great, now his people had picked up those songs.

"Give him some paper and some pencils," he groaned. "Just make sure you keep an eye on what he's drawing!"

* * *

What am I drawing, you ask? Well, I'm not _drawing,_ per-say, but I am practicing my Fuuinjutsu matrices.

It kind of started when, because of the extra medical data obtained thanks to yours truly, Kabuto and the other scientist minions under Orochimaru's command found out about my illness way before canon. Good news, I get medication which actually helps. Bad news, I'm no longer a suitable vessel for His Snakiness. Which means that I get relegated to the breeding labs; they muck about with my blood and tissue samples until I'm sexually active then *ahem* put me out to stud.

Not only is that _all kinds_ of NOPE, I needed to be in Orochimaru's right hand posse if I'm going to get sent after Juugo. Answer: become a Fuuinjutsu specialist. Karin is too young to have discovered any seals-related talent she might have yet and all the Balaclava mooks are...well, mooks.

I throw myself into sealing, which Orochimaru has quite a few texts and notebooks on actually. I think he messed around with body-altering seals in canon, which would explain it. Also, it's a massive 'flip the birdy' to all those fanfiction OCs, that just so happen to have inherited sealing talent by being born into the Uzumaki clan. Fuuinjutsu isn't Uzumaki-only, you know?! Other people are talented at it as well; cases in point, Minato Namikaze and Jiraiya. The only reason it isn't as prevalent in the shinobi business as you might think is that math isn't really highlighted in the academies. Basic add, subtract, multiplication and division get taught because money management, but anything beyond that is pretty much ignored. Uzumaki with specialisation in Fuuinjutsu don't even have to get math, they just process it all subconsciously and draw a perfect seal matrix 'because it just looks right.' Non-Uzumaki have to slave over learning all those intricate little squiggles.

Myself, on the other hand, has a whole lifetime of GCSE geometry, trigonometry, algebra, equations and rearranging formulas to help me out. Yes, I can do math. Yes, it really, really helped. Actually, I wasn't too good at math before. I could do it and didn't have a problem with it, I was just one of those people who have to sit down with a pencil and scribble through the whole method to get an answer.

But because of me using that past-life math, Orochimaru thought I was a Fuuinjutsu prodigy of the level of Minato; the guy who beat him to becoming Hokage. So I got back into his personal posse by dint of being his own Minato rip-off. And I did get sent after Juugo, so yay!

* * *

"Please give a basic rundown of your abilities," said the guy with a clipboard. My interview; yay. I'm handcuffed to a chair, but it could be worse. Pointy things or snakes sort of worse.

"Foremost, the Shikotsumyaku Kekkai Genkai of the near-extinct Kaguya clan. I have a prototype range of taijutsu designed around my Kekkai Genkai.

Reasonable in kenjutsu, somewhat resistant to genjutsu, basic range of D and C ranked ninjutsu in Doton and Suiton. Increased healing rate and physical stamina as a result of my Kekkai Genkai. Basic medical jutsu. Some skill in Fuuinjutsu, as you can see." I nod to the sheets of paper one of the guards is holding.

"Explain your relationship with the missing-nin Orochimaru." I grimace.

"Do you have to phrase it like that?After my clan committed what amounts to mass suicide, I became quite collectable, you understand? Because of my Kekkai Genkai, my body structure is superior to most ninja, therefore I was of high value as Orochimaru's next body. Once it was discovered, however, that I had a genetic illness, I became depreciated and was scheduled to be sent to one of the breeding labs. But because of my talent for Fuuinjutsu being discovered, I was kept at his side."

"Your relationship with Orochimaru," the guy re-iterates.

"I was one of his _collectables_ who still retained some worth in an unconventional area even after a _flaw_ in my genetics was found. I was his pet Fuuinjutsu specialist; his rip-off Minato Namikaze. I'm the three-legged guard dog whose teeth were still sharp enough for him to keep me around.

I respect Orochimaru only for his skill, intelligence and Kami-damned stubbornness not to die. Other than that, he just creeps me out."

"You mentioned breeding labs. Surely it would be beneficial for you if you could restore your clan? Why refuse?" I stare at him.

"One, you are being obtuse, because it's pretty obvious that I'm not sexually mature yet. Two, I wasn't going to give the Snake-bastard an innocent infant to mess around with. Three, the guy's a bloody pimp; he likes to try and pair off different Kekkai Genkai users to see what the end result is. Four, a lot of the other subjects over there don't do it by choice. Five, if if one of the subjects tries to refuse engaging in intimacy, they're put under genjutsu that makes them do it.  
I couldn't change it, but I could make sure I didn't participate in it; save them a small amount of suffering."

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen quickly flicked through the sheaves of paper that Ibiki had set in front of him, doing his best to hide his surprise.  
"He did these himself, you said? These are most impressive. On a par with Jiraiya and maybe Minato, I can say that much. I'm not surprised my former student kept the boy around."

The old man leaned back in his chair and lit his pipe with a snap of his fingers. "Ibiki, what can you tell me about this Kimimaro's personality?"

"Sir. He appears to have a large amount of spite towards those who judge people on genetics alone and seems to mildly resent being treated as a replacement for others and not his own person. Intelligent enough to know when to shut up, but seems to take delight in passive-aggressive tactics."

"Such as?"

"Well sir; he, er, started singing. And now half the people who've come into contact with him have got songs stuck in their heads. Not genjutsu; they're just really catchy." Ibiki decided to move on swiftly when the laugh-lines around his Hokage's eyes deepened.

"Apart from that, he seems rather mature for his age. That could be put up to being exposed to Orochimaru for a number of years and the mistreatment from his clan and subsequent orphaning, but some of the Yamanaka aren't so sure. He reacts to the boy he brought with him, Juugo, like some sort of psuedo-father-figure; completely in control like he's the adult of the two."

The Hokage folded his hands as he leaned forward on the desk.

"What are his intentions in this Village?"

"Sir, to quote; 'Join this Village's shinobi force, get a house, get Juugo's problem either cured or manageable, get Juugo a job, make some progress on my own illness, learn more about seals, make some friends, get both Juugo and I to age thirty and stay the hell away from Orochimaru unless it's to piss on his grave. Not necessarily in that order.' Unquote."

Sarutobi exhaled a small puff of smoke. "That's...strangely realistic and proactive. If I recall, there are several apartments available in the block downtown. Set them both up there and I'll set two ANBU to watch them."

Ibiki nodded in acquiescence, deposited the two files on the desk and left.

The Hokage sat silent for a moment, then spoke aloud to his - seemingly - empty office; "Get Hound and Bear. They have a mission."


	4. Notice

**Dem Bones Dem, Dry Bones is now it's own story.**


	5. Not Another Bloodline War!

**Not Another Bloodline War!**

 **Zabuza-is-Harry. Warning, Zabuza tends to utter a few choice words. This started out as me thinking of possible reasons why Zabuza's chakra is a 'demonic' purple. Well, the only other character in the series with sinister purple chakra is Orochimaru, and that's because it's a side effect of him absorbing the souls of the people whose bodies he takes over. So, Zabuza must have absorbed a soul at some point. Then I realised that he pointedly wears his headband at an angle, like he's trying to hide something. And what other fictional character has a second soul and a distinguishing mark on one temple?**

 **So...*mutters* Harry disappears at age two, transfer merges his soul with Volde's horcrux which make him temperamental and sadistic, Harry/Zabuza slaughters 100 Academy students at age five...yep, that works.**

 **Blurb: Some of the words that Zabuza Momochi said when he was spirited away to fight in another Bloodline war were not fit for small children. Haku didn't say anything; he took out a handful of senbon needles.**

 **Theme song: Dancing with a Wolf by All Time Low**

As Team 7 walked back down the road to Konoha, at a proper shinobi pace this time, thank Kami; Kakashi Hatake was pondering.

Zabuza Momochi had become near infamous after the attempted coup, and that he was now grubbing for money by working for Gato, presumably in order to fund the resistance back in Kiri, was evidence that he was serious in trying again. Gato had planned to double cross Zabuza, mainly because the hiring contract was an extremely attractive amount of money. However, Zabuza wouldn't have known about the double cross, and would have endeavored to complete the mission. If he had known, he would most likely have killed Gato and robbed the base clean of all money. Even if either had canceled the contract with no casualties, there would be a possibility of Zabuza coming along for a rematch anyway.

Zabuza, nor the fake Hunter-nin, had not appeared. Gato himself had turned up at the bridge instead, accompanied by around two hundred assorted hired muscle, most with basic samurai training and Kakashi could have sworn that one or two were Genin or Academy level Missing-nin. The midget had ranted about how Zabuza hadn't shown up, then ordered his mooks to attack.

Naruto had made his first kill, and seemed to have gotten it through his head that being a ninja wasn't all fun and games. Sakura had had some rather...inappropriate comments directed at her when she got separated from Tazuna and cornered. Her feeble attempts at vengeance were rather pitiful. Naruto had taken one of the blows meant for her to his back, which was when he, Kakashi, arrived, a flame-coated kunai putting the men down for good. _No one_ talked to his Genin like _that!_ Sasuke, his arrogance making him believe he could go it alone, had been over whelmed; even with a Sharingan, melee combat was difficult, since you couldn't predict the movements of an opponent you couldn't see because they were in your blind spot. Sasuke didn't have a Sharingan, so he had almost died. A halberd had cut a deep, ragged gash between the side of his nose and one eyebrow, nearly gouging out the eye. The experience had had a humbling effect, as well as activating his Sharingan. And for all his talk of vengeance, Sasuke had hesitated when it had come to stabbing a thug in the back. That hesitation relieved Kakashi; maybe Sasuke still had some of that child left inside.

Kakashi had put Gato down himself; he didn't honour the worm with a jutsu. A kunai to the throat and it was over. The villagers, led by that boy Inari, had turned up and either drove off, maimed or killed the leftover mooks. Afterwards, Tazuna had asked that his team take whatever money and items of value Gato had left in his local headquarters, enough to cover the missions actual rank. Kakashi did it alone, leaving his little Genins in the care of Tsunami. He subtracted the cost of an A-rank mission and publicly gifted the rest to the village, on behalf of Konoha. It would get the economy up and running, and it improved Konoha's reputation; ensuring that any future missions would come to Konoha, in return helping the Village prosper.

He had said this to his Genin, and Sasuke had been the most interested. During their walk back to Konoha, he had confided in Kakashi that 'So good relations are important if you want to get stronger then?'

Maybe someday, Sasuke would live by the Will of Fire as well.

* * *

The Great Hall erupted into murmuring as the Goblet of Fire flamed for a fourth time. Dumbledore took the slip with a bemused a face as any, and read the name.

"Harry Potter!"

The murmuring turned to chaos. Harry Potter had disappeared off the face of the earth, a year after the defeat of Voldemort. People still held out hope, because the boy's name hadn't vanished off of the Hogwarts Registry. But the school owls returned with unopened letters and Harry Potter did not turn up for the sorting, did not turn up for any of the four past years.

The fire in the Goblet stretched into a thin stream of flame and rose out of the chalice, forming a large circle in the air. The Hall was silent now, all eyes watching with awe and apprehension this unforeseen occurrence. The circle glowed white hot, and two figures were roughly thrown out of it.

The smaller of the two was but a child, small of frame with long black hair tied up with cloth into a bun and a thick knitted inner robe under a long-sleeved jacket, the clothes clearly suited for cold weather. A feature less white mask, the only decoration two red swirls and some small indentations on the forehead, set the Hall abuzz with cries of 'Death Eater'. The child, despite appearances, was obviously Harry Potter; the boy was of the right age group.

The man was what really drew eyes, or rather, what the man was carrying. A truly massive blade hung across his back, almost scraping the floor with its point. Apart from the sword, the man was sparsely dressed. A sleeveless black body stocking with pale purple arm and leg warmers were his only attire, along with pouches stitched across the lower back of the suit, tightly-wrapped bandages concealing the lower half of his face and a headband adorned with a metal plate sat askew on his forehead.

They both looked around, having landed on their feet, muscles tense. The man reached over his shoulder to grasp the handle of the great sword.

Dumbledore stepped forward and coughed politely, wanting to avoid a bloodbath. Both males turned their heads to look at him. The man did not release his grip on his sword. The boy was suddenly holding a very long acupuncture needle in each hand.

"Haku!" The man snapped. "Hitojichi o tsukamimasu!" **(Grab a hostage)**

There was a sharp gust of wind, and the masked boy was suddenly behind one of the first years, a small black knife held to the girl's throat, her head pulled back by the boy's other hand's grasp on her hair. The Great Hall erupted into terrified screaming and some rushed for the door.

The man drew his sword and slammed it's point into the flagstone floor. Cracks spiderwebbed outwards in a small radius and the blade actually embedded itself a few inches. "URUSAI!" Was the man's accompanying shout.

Dumbledore's mind raced. A translation spell was needed first though, it would not do to offend their aggressor more than was already apparent. He hadn't even seen the boy move, so what speeds must this older, more experienced, warrior be capable of? The strength to wield such a blade around as if it were no more than a stick would be absolutely phenomenal.  
The spell, thankfully invisible and fast moving(he dreaded to imagine what the swordsman would do if he perceived that he was being attacked, and he would not risk the life of any of his students), splashed against the man's arm; he hadn't appeared to have noticed anything, thankfully. He sent one at the masked boy as well.

"Now that I have your attention," the man continued, his voice deceptively calm. "Before my friend carves out that girl's windpipe and I slop your internal organs all over the floor, somebody explain WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL JUST GOT ME HERE AND WHERE IS HERE?!"

* * *

"Lightning bolt scar, huh?" The man, Zabuza Momochi, grunted; he was seated on a sofa in the alcove where the other Champions were, sword balanced over one shoulder and the boy named Haku standing next to him. "So you dragged me from my mission, wasting me some good pay, just to compete against kiddies for nothing whatsoever? If wasn't for the fact that you can get me back, I'd be painting the walls with your blood."

The adults and children alike paled. Barty Crouch coughed nervously to get Zabuza's attention.

"Well, actually, Mr Momochi, the Triwizard Tournament has a prize of one thousand galleons and fame across Europe. Since galleons are made of gold, they should be of some considerable value, even if they are not the currency you are used to. The fame as well...'"

"Don't need the fame," Zabuza cut him off. "I'm already the Demon of the Bloody Mist, what fame could I possibly need or want from competing in some pansy-ass pseudo-Chunin exam?"

Dumbledore frowned. "I'm afraid that you cannot compete, Mr Momochi. Harry Potter, quite obviously the boy at your side, shall be taking part. In fact, if he would remove his mask, I am certain that he will fit the description of Mr Potter exactly."

Quite unexpectedly, Zabuza began to laugh; silently, shoulders shaking. With a few heaving breaths, he calmed, before reaching up to the crooked headband on his brow. "Haku ain't your kid, old man. I can say that with absolute certainty."

He wrenched the headband away, giving everyone in the room a good look at the faint lightning-bolt scar etched on the temple that the material had previously covered.

Ludo Bagman fainted.

* * *

"Master Zabuza wishes for me to inform you that he shall not be joining the other inhabitants of the castle for dinner. Also, where might I find a whetstone and an oilcloth?"

Professor Sprout blinked in surprise at the masked child standing before her. "Oh, I see. Well, that is understandable. You could ask Hagrid for a whetstone and an oilcloth, but I can't guarantee he'll have them. If you ask the House Elves nicely, they'll bring a meal to your room."

"House Elves?"

Oh. Right. Different culture. "Allow me to demonstrate. Loppy!"

The House Elf in charge of the greenhouses popped in. "What can Loppy be doing for Professor Sprouty?"

The child was staring intently at the House Elf, twirling one of those long needles in one hand. Professor Sprout sighed.

"Can you please take Haku here over to Hagrid's Hut to ask for some items? If Hagrid doesn't have them, can you then procure them yourself?"

"Certainly! Loppy shall take pretty snow girl to Hagrid!" Professor Sprout blinked; "But, I thought...'"

"You are correct, Professor. I am male. Do not apologise; I am used to it."

Loppy squeaked in embarrassment. "Oh no! Loppy has made mistake! Young master's aura is too cold to read! Loppy must have punishment Professor Sprouty!" The Professor reached into her pocket and pulled out a knut. "Here you go." The distraught Elf took it and vanished with a pop.

Professor Sprout sighed. "Never mind, I can take you. But if you don't mind me asking, why dress in such a feminine manner?"

"People pay more attention to a boy than a girl; I can get into more places if I am thought of as female."

Hufflepuff may not have been the House of the intelligent, but that didn't mean they were stupid. Professor Sprout swallowed dryly at the implications of that sentence, especially in certain contexts. "I...see. Are you happy in your life with Mr Momochi?"

"I understand your concern Professor, but I am happy. I have devoted my life to Master Zabuza; if it is his desire for me to proceed with one of those situations you are thinking of, I shall do so gladly and to the best of my abilities."

* * *

Ollivander gulped as he looked at the huge blade in front of him, tip resting on the ground and the handle held by who people said was Harry Potter(now going by Zabuza Momochi), but looked more like a killer than the Death Eaters in the last war.

"Don't have one of those sticks," Mr Momochi rumbled through the bandages covering his lower face. "Just Executioner's Blade here."

"I am not a blade expert," Ollivander said firmly. "Would you mind sharing any information about your weapon for the benefit of the observers since you are far more qualified to do do?"

* * *

"Dragons," Zabuza Momochi said, deadpan, as he stared at the tiny model in his hand. "You have giant, armoured, flying, fire-breathing reptiles, easily weighing in at over eight tons. And everyone knows that female of pretty much every animal species is more deadly than the male. You have four female dragons outside, everyone of them in full pissed-off, hormonal, mama-bear with cubs mode, and you want us to steal what they think are their babies. The only safety feature is that the dragons are tied to the ground, but even then, I have my doubts about those chains and did you forget the projectile fire-breathing?"

The other three brats were looking kind of queasy, and even the proctor guy looked like he was going to keel over any second. Zabuza looked back down at the tiny model(which was moving. Seriously, that would be so useful when he got back to the Elemental Nations, especially if you could get them to attack certain people.) and said, "I love it. Throwing these three weaklings out there seems a bit useless, but I'm definitely in. Do you want the beasts dead or alive when I'm done?"


	6. Blind Dogs Hunting Deer

**Blind Dogs Hunting Deer.**

 **Fem!Harry-is-Yoshino Nara. In this, Yoshino is a reserve Chunin. Because Narutopedia says that she is a Chunin, but her occupation is listed as housewife; both at the same time. My theory is that she took indefinite leave when she became pregnant or something, but instead of returning to active duty, put herself on the reserve list. Hey, keeping both Shikaku and Shikamaru awake is a full-time job.**

 **Blurb: Dumbledore made several mistakes when he tried to summon the missing Girl-Who-Lived. 1) He didn't summon her as a 14-year-old. 2) She brought someone with her. 3) He motivated the entire Nara Clan of Konoha. Naras are scary enough when lazy. They're utterly PTSD-inducing when vengeful.**

 **Theme Song: Stricken by Disturbed**

Mrs Weasley wrung her hands nervously as she stood at the edge of the runic array. "Are you sure this is...you know...safe?"

Albus Dumbledore looked up from inscribing the last few lines on the stone floor and smiled, blue eyes twinkling. "I am quite sure, Molly. We found this ritual in the Black Library; it was used to find and return errant relatives of the Black Family before it was forgotten. Since young Miss Potter is related to the Blacks, this should return her to us."

Yes, Heather Potter had mysteriously disappeared within the timeframe of Hagrid leaving her on the doorstep of 4 Privet Drive and when Petunia Dursley opened the door to collect the milk the next morning. However, her vault status at Gringotts indicated clearly that she was still alive, somewhere. Sirius Black had been proven innocent once Dumbledore had pushed for a trial and once learning of the circumstances, had delved into extensive research to try and find a way to get his goddaughter back. This ritual was the result.

Members of the Order of the Phoenix stood in position around a runic array, ready to combine their magic.

"Is everybody ready?" Asked Dumbledore. He received nods of affirmation. "Then let us begin."

* * *

"Kaa-chan?" An seven-year-old Shikamaru Nara said as he poked his head around the door. "I'm going to the park to hang out with Chouji."

"Okay, but wear a jacket Shika, it's chilly today."

Yoshino Nara smiled to herself as she heard a muttered 'troublesome' and the sound of her son trudging up the stairs. A cold breeze hit her back and she frowned. Really, Shikamaru could at least close the door. Walking into the living room, she saw to her surprise that Shikamaru had closed it. So, where did that breeze come from?

She felt the breeze again, stronger this time. It tugged at her clothes and hair. Slowly, she brought her hands into a seal; if this was an intruder, they would soon find that her rank of Chunin wasn't undeserved.

Then, there was a pulling, stretching sensation in her gut and she gasped as she doubled over. There was the sound of displacing air behind her, and she turned.

There was a crack in the air, that kept growing and shifting, until it burst open. It was a black, yawning abyss. The wind and the pain came again, and Yoshino couldn't help staggering towards the black hole. What was this? What was this jutsu? No!

Sending chakra to her feet, she clung to the floor, gritting her teeth against the waves of pain.

"Kaa-chan!" Her eyes widened as Shikamaru dashed into the room. "Kaa-cha...what's going on? What is that? Are you alright?"

"No!" Yoshino screamed. "Get away!"

Too late.

The wind shoved him off his feet and he cannoned into her, pushing them closer to the abyss so that they were almost touching it; he didn't know how to use chakra to stick to surfaces yet. Exhaustion flooded her frame and she realised with a jerk of horror that her chakra was being drained. Soon, she wouldn't even have enough left to remain attached to the floor.

Shikaku burst through the door, kunai in one hand and the other ready in a seal, cold eyes gleaming with killing intent towards whoever was threatening his family. One of his cousins was just behind him, kusari-gama held ready.

They saw chaos.

His wife, holding his dazed son close to her, even as a fierce wind pulled them into a monstrous abyss floating in midair. Both had their eyes locked on him and he could see the terror in them. He couldn't hear her over the roaring of the wind, but he saw Yoshino say his name. Then, they stumbled, and fell back into the darkness.

The crack closed behind them.

Gone.

Shikaku couldn't breathe. His wife, his bossy, overbearing, frightening, beautiful, clever wife, was gone. His son, his lazy, snarky, brilliant son, was gone too. They had been taken from right under his nose, where they should have been safe. From the clan house protected by countless seals, where they _should have been safe._ From the middle of Konoha, _where they should have been safe!_

It took two seconds for Shikaku to notice his cousin's face was ashen from the amount of KI he was giving out. It took him a second longer for him to realise that the screaming he could hear was himself.

* * *

Shikamaru was scared. He was falling through a black void full of a darkness so terrible and thick it was like he was choking. He clung to his mother like a lifeline, her presence the only thing there and one he was so, so glad for.

Was he going to have to stay here, in the blackness? He would never see Chouji, or Ino, or Tou-chan again. Hell, he would even miss Naruto. Iruka-sensei would never yell at him for sleeping through History lessons again, he'd never feed the deer again, he'd never cloud-watch again...

Had they been captured by enemy ninja? But, but he and Kaa-chan weren't important! Kaa-chan was only a reserve Chunin and he was only at the academy! What if they had been captured because of Tou-chan? Tou-chan was important, a powerful ninja! Enemy ninja might want to threaten him with his and Kaa-chan's safety.

No! He wouldn't let them hurt Kaa-chan! He wrapped his arms tighter around his mother.

Then, there was light, and cold, and stone.

* * *

The members of the Order waved away the smoke that had suddenly blossomed from the array.

"Did it work?" They heard Kingsley Shacklebolt ask. As the smoke cleared, they could see the figure of a woman lying down in the middle of the circle. What they didn't expect to see, was the boy holding onto the woman.

"Is that Potter?"

"Why's she so old?"

"Who's the kid?"

"Looks like you screwed up again, Black."

"They're not...dead...are they?"

That last question, voiced by Mr Weasley, planted a seed of doubt into everybody else's minds. Nymphadora Tonks approached hesitantly, flicking out her wand as she prepared a basic diagnostic spell. She promptly let out a scream as the boy plunged a small knife into her calf. She thought he was still out!

"Stupefy!" Yelled Severus Snape. He didn't get time to see if his spell had worked, because the moment he had stepped towards her, Potter's hand had closed around his ankle, her _hand on fire,_ fledgling flames spreading up the cloth. He too let out a shout of pain as he felt his skin begin to sear.

"Katon: Houka Hira," the woman hissed through gritted teeth.

"Stupefy!" "Aguamenti!" Although she tried to dodge, Moody's stunner caught her a glancing blow on the lower arm, and she fell unconscious. The water spell put out the flames on his robes and offered momentary relief for the burn on his leg.

Shikamaru had only just dodged the red light, when he saw another dark-haired man aiming a stick-thing at him from the corner of his eye. He threw his shadow, strong in this dim room with plenty of candles, and ensnared him.

Before Sirius could throw a spell, or even think of one to throw - it was a kid for Merlin's sake, not even Hogwarts age - he found himself unable to move. The first thought that went through his head was the Imperious curse, but he dismissed that when he couldn't hear the whispers in his head that was the giveaway sign of the Imperio. The kid was smirking! Smirking, dammit! The boy, who was what? Eight? The boy pointed at him. With horror, Sirius felt a tugging sensation on his on arm, and it mirrored the kid's.

 _'Whatever he does, I copy,'_ Sirius thought with dawning apprehension.

"Black!"

"What the hell are you waiting for?"

"The shadow, look at the shadow!"

It was Moody's shout after looking through his fake eye, that made everyone look down and shriek.

"He's done something to Sirius' shadow!"

"That's Dark magic!"

"He's a child!"

The boy flung his arm out, making Sirius point his wand at the others.

"Diffindo!"

Sirius grunted in pain as a thin gash appeared in his shoulder, then stumbled back as he was released from the boy's technique; he had let out a strangled cry of pain, pressing his hand to the mirrored wound on his own shoulder.

"Stupefy!"

He slumped to the floor. Sirius rounded on Moody. "What the hell, Mad-Eye?"

The man just shrugged as he returned his wand to his holster. "He was twisting both his and your shadow to make you copy his movements. I wanted to see if wounds would copy themselves from you to him."

"Can we continue this another time?" Shacklebolt called out as he helped Tonks to stand. "We have injured and two prisoners."

* * *

Yoshino kept her eyes closed, feigning sleep. She was lying on a soft bed, and subtle 'stretching' of her limbs revealed that she wasn't bound. She wasn't certain whether her chakra had been sealed, or if her inability to gather it was because of her still-remaining chakra exhaustion. That threw any escape attempts out of the window. Whoever had designed that jutsu had definitely known what they were doing; considering that chakra-exhausted was the most efficient condition to capture a shinobi alive. It was why the Aburame were so feared as hunter-nin.  
She had been slightly disorientated on coming round, but her abductors had not dressed like shinobi, nor had she seen any forehead protectors or identifying symbols of any kind. Shikamaru had been quick on his feet, yes, but he had overplayed his hand and had had no time to assess his opponents beforehand.

Shikamaru...where was he?!

A mother's instincts momentarily overriding a shinobi's cautiousness, she sat bolt upright, eyes raking the room for any sign of her son. She was in some sort of infirmary within a stone room, and Shikamaru was lying on the bed right down the other end of it. Thick leather cuffs attached to sturdy chains encased his hands and bound him flat the the bed. Otherwise, he seemed unharmed. But why was he restrained and not her? True, she had mild chakra exhaustion, but a shinobi didn't need chakra to kill and Shikamaru had only just finished his first year at the academy. Someone had their priorities messed up.

Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, she tentatively tested her weight. Walking wasn't too bad, she was just a little wobbly, but the railings on the ends of the beds made convenient hand-holds. She made her way to Shikamaru's bed without any staff or guards coming in, and sat on the edge of the bed. Quickly, she conducted a chakra-less examination, patting him down for any wounds or broken bones. Nothing. But there was a slight brown stain at the corner of his mouth where someone had made him drink something. Drug, medicine or food; she couldn't be sure.

So she planted a kiss on Shikamaru's forehead and just sat there, her hand on his chest feeling the regular thumping of his heart. Their captors had kept them alive and their wounds had been treated. If they were after information, they wouldn't have bother with bringing them to an infirmary, so they must need them to actually do something for them that required the maximum effort that the peak of health provided. The lack of restraint could possibly mean that they wanted to coerce her into doing whatever it was. So if she was that valuable...that meant she could hold herself hostage.

The creaking of the iron-bound door at the other end of the room made her tense. She reached for her chakra; a little less than half left, but slowly climbing. Not enough to fight her way out(which would be unwise anyway), but enough to establish that she would not be pushed around.

 _"Miss Potter, what in Merlin's name are you doing out of bed?!"_ It was a short, matronly woman that squawked indignantly; her chakra coils were barely open and her chakra pool was ridiculously small. Barely a shinobi. But, Yoshino _hadn't understood her._ If she was this far away from the Elemental Nations; her heart plummeted at the thought of never seeing home again.

Then, the woman drew one of those short sticks. Immediately Yoshino let out a burst of Killing Intent. If they wanted to draw a weapon on her, she would respond with force. The foreign woman collapsed to her knees, gasping and panting.

 _"Madam Pomfrey!"_ A man shouted, rushing through the doorway and crouching down beside the first woman. Yoshino frowned slightly as she shut off her KI; anybody with martial training would have stopped to take in the situation and would certainly not have taken their eyes off of the enemy(herself in this case), yet he hadn't been badly affected by the KI she had briefly put out. So, this man must be either insane or had experienced enough battle in the past to throw off small amounts.

 _"What the hell did you do?"_ The man snarled at her as he helped the woman to her feet. It sounded like a question. Yoshino merely raised her eyebrows in what her husband had once laughingly told her was her 'a moment of silence for your brain cells that have died from atrophy' look. The man flinched.

"I can't understand a word you're saying," she said clearly. "But judging from that tone of voice, you want to know what happened. She drew a weapon, I responded in kind. That is all." The man's face fell, lack of any understanding of her speech in his eyes.  
 _"What?"_

* * *

"Well," Tonks started slowly. "This is awkward."

The rest of the Order glared at her.  
"What?! It is!"

The adult woman the ritual had selected and summoned as Heather Potter was sitting on the bedside of the young boy who had used Dark magic on Sirius in the fight. Merlin's beard, she knew from Sirius that Heather Potter had inherited her paternal grandmother's Black looks, but it seemed that the scathing, blister-raising, bone-scouring Black Death Glare had been inherited too. Andromeda Tonks nee Black had proved to be a scary, _scary_ woman in the last war and all in the Order who had been acquainted with her(Sirius had reinstated both Andromeda and Nymphadora when he claimed the Black headship and had introduced them to the more prominent Order members as a matter of course) shuddered at the similarities.

"So far, all the spells used by us she's seen have been used to attack her. How do you think she's going to react if we try to hit her with a translation charm? I do not want more wandless fire magic directed at me, thank you!"

* * *

"How is everything, Madam Pomfrey?" Asked Sirius Black as the Healer bustled in.

"Kingsley will be fine," she huffed. "The cracked ribs and broken arm were soon fixed and I gave him a potion so he can safely sleep off his concussion overnight. I managed to get a response out out Miss Potter, but all she would say was 'Yoshino Nara, Hidden Leaf Chunin, 009091'. And to top it all off, she won't let me near the boy. I can't give him the potions to keep him under, and I dread to think what he'll do once he wakes up. A Dark magic user in my Infirmary; the thought of it scares me half to death!"

"So we got her name that she goes by, some nonsense, then a number. Really, that's not very...oh Merlin!" Sirius suddenly gasped. "Name, rank and number! It's all the information you're allowed to give up if you're a captured Auror or soldier! No wonder Heather can use wandless magic and we found those knives on her; she's a soldier! We've captured her so of course she's hostile!"

"Well, that explains the jamming-a-knife-through-my-leg," Tonks sighed. "She probably taught the kid a few moves. Good thing he has shackles on him. Still, all we need to do is explain what's going on and everything will be back to how it should be."

"Get that idealistic rubbish out your head, Tonks!" Moody growled. "She'll probably be expecting us to talk to her, try to brainwash her! She's not going to listen!"

* * *

"Get away from _my son._ "

Again, the world of the gathered witches and wizards tilted on its axis.

"The _fuck?!_ " That was Tonks and even Madam Pomfrey was too shocked to correct her language.

"That is usually how children come about, yes," Dumbledore replied absentmindedly.

* * *

Yoshino sat in a wooden chair, restrained this time. She glared daggers at the stone-faced man with the dark hair. He certainly had the look of an interrogator down pat. So, she didn't see any physical implements of torture anywhere; was he one of those who screwed over your mind?

"For all the little that it's worth, I'm sorry about this," he said, before flicking his wooden stick with a 'Petrificus Totalus!'

Yoshino couldn't move as he pulled up a chair opposite her, leaned forward and looked her in the eyes.

"Legilimens!"

Severus Snape encountered a barrier, seemingly constructed from compacted bad memories; a basic but very strong defense. Curious, and after all, he was there for information, prompted him to take a peek.

 _'Loud bangs and clashes of metal sounded overhead as she/he checked and rechecked her weapons pouch with a numbing monotony, distracting her/him from her/his teammate lying pale and wan under the glowing green hands of a weary and bruised med-nin. Around her were other such scenes; shinobi and kunoichi alike on trestle tables, straw pallets and even blankets on the floor. A courier-nin burst through the door, yelling "Evacuate! All able bodies to cover the rear and assist the wounded as much as they can!"  
Cue an immediate orderly pour towards the exits; medical packs that still contained supplies heaved __onto backs, wounded heaved piggy-back onto the able.  
The orderly who had been tending her teammate rushed past her/him, carrying a man she/he did not know. She/he tapped him on the arm; "What about...?" He cut her/him off. "Sorry, he died just as I was getting him up off the pallet. We're leaving the bodies here and collapsing the place."  
As she/he ran through the branches after setting an exploding-tag trap for any tails, she/he didn't...couldn't look back as the man she/he had fought beside for half her/his life was crushed under the weight of the underground temporary base. And shinobi don't cry.'_

 _'She/he bit down on the wad of cloth in her/his mouth and let out a muffled scream as the med-nin manoeuvred the splintered end of bone that was jutting out of her/his forearm, back into her/his arm where it belonged. Fuck the Kiri-nin who blew up the supply runners carrying the medical drugs!'  
_

 _'A chokingly thick and toxic chakra burned the starry horizon a bloody rust orange and an inhuman howl came from the beast of nightmares in the distance. This wasn't just an enemy, this was a force of nature driven mad by bloodlust. In the relative, and now very doubtful, safety of the seal-lined bunker beneath the Nara Estate, all she/he could do was pray for a miracle.'_

 _'"Don't you dare die on me you lazy idiot!" She/he hissed tearfully, refraining from shouting because she/he was mindful of drawing attention to them, at her/his injured team leader. Why did he kawarimi her/him and take the hit from that exploding-tag trap?! Oh Kami, his face was covered in blood from the shrapnel wounds, two gaping things in particular. And the burn up his arm stank of burnt meat and reminded her/him of exactly how long it had been since she'd/he'd had barbeque. She/he retched when she/he realised what she/he was thinking of. "Kami-damn you for being such a samurai, Shikaku Nara!"'_

Severus almost felt himself being sucked into the images of fire and steel and torn flesh, but in the corner of his mind's eye he could see a train of thoughts and emotion leading from that last memory deeper into the psyche and past the barrier. He grabbed hold of it and let himself be swept along as a new, fonder set of memories assaulted him.

 _'"Congratulations on passing your exam, and if you could restrain your jubilation for a minute, I will now proceed to read out the team allocations. Your respective sensei should be along shortly...Teams Six and Nine have been merged due to deaths and are now Team Sarutobi, so the new Team Six will be Yoshino,...'"'_

 _'"We just wanted to thank you for saving Shikaku's life," Inoichi-san said solemnly as he nodded his thanks, his other friend and teammate, the Akimichi heir doing likewise. "It's nothing, I'd have done the same for any Konoha shinobi...'" she/he blurted out. "We know," Chouza rumbled firmly. "We just wanted a look at the kunoichi that caught his heart." The blasé statement made her/him choke on her/his breath. "I...I swear I didn't do anything! It was just a few times to blow off some stress, we're not together!"'_

 _'"I'm expected at the front lines tomorrow." The quiet sentence made her/him catch her/his breath. Shikaku heard the small sound and took her/his hand in his. "I'll be alright. Minato Namikaze's going too and that kid's a regular monster." Yoshino forced her breathing back to normal. "I wish I was coming with you," she/he said quietly as she/he leaned her/his head against her lover's shoulder.  
"But then I'd have to look after you as well, troublesome woman."'_

 _'"I'm an orphan, Shikaku. A shinobi patrol found me wandering in the forest at the tender age of two, soiled, underweight and dressed in rags."  
"Shit. Who does that to a baby? Why weren't you left at an orphanage?"  
"They never found who dumped me, but I wasn't exactly high priority. Although, they changed their minds when they had a Yamanaka scan me."  
"What did they find?"  
"A piece of someone else's soul next to mine. It was transferred out of me into a laboratory mouse, which was then killed."  
"Fuck."'_

 _'"Man and wife I now see you and may you remain so as long as you draw breath, kami and luck be willing," the Nara Elder intoned. "May your days be long and happy and may neither of you fall to sickness, pain and death until you are are at peace.  
Now kiss already, I've been eyeing that buffet for the past hour."'_

 _'Wrapping her/his legs around her/his husband's waist, Yoshino gasped out a moan as Shikaku...'_

Severus promptly backed out of that that one; watching that memory would be pushing the limit of human decency. Stepping past it, he dived back in.

 _'"Love you so much," Shikaku rumbled as he ran his scarred and calloused hand over the almost non-existent baby-bump of her/his belly. She/he made to move away, but he gently pulled her/him onto his lap, burrowing his face into her/his neck and breathing her/him in.  
"I have work, Shikaku."  
"Work is troublesome," was the muffled reply. "And you're pregnant." She/he poked him on the shoulder in protest. "I can work up until the eighth month, I'm not crippled. Besides, Minato-sama relies on me to keep digging him out of his paperwork and make sure he has time for Kushina."'_

 _'"Oh, my congratulations!" Minato-sama started, before he smiled at her/him. "I must remember to congratulate Shikaku. Please, feel free to book your time off now, but if you could arrange for someone to fill in for you while you're gone, that would be appreciated."  
"Minato-sama, I'll just be on lighter duties for a while, then at home. It's not like I'm dying!"  
"I know that! Aaargh, but if anything happens to you, I'll be dead meat! Not to mention I'd never forgive myself. I'll reassign one of my Guard to you and here, take one of my Hiraishin kunai...'"  
"Calm down Minato-sama!"'_

 _'"Shikamaru," he/she said, looking down at the bundle in her/his arms.  
"Ah, he's beautiful," Inoichi said. "I wonder if he inherited his old man's brain-" he was pushed aside by a worried father.  
"Shikaku, it's fine," she/he said. "You've only been gone two minutes; Inoichi was just complimenting our son."'_

* * *

"Well, Severus?"

"When the fuck were you going to tell me that the Dark Lord made Heather a Horcrux?!"

Grimmauld place erupted. Amidst the chaos, Severus Snape stood tall and foreboding, glaring down at a pale Albus Dumbledore with palpable anger.

* * *

"Heather was found abandoned in a forest at the age of two and in poor shape," Severus relayed. "When they read her mind to ascertain that she was not dangerous, they found and removed a piece of the Dark Lord's soul, which in turn made her scar disappear as that was what had been holding the fragment."

"And you said to leave that scar be Albus!" Minerva McGonagall spat furiously. "And abandoned! I told you they were the worst kinds of Muggles!"

"I thought my goddaughter would be healed and checked for any injuries, that's why I let Hagrid take her!" hissed Sirius. "Go on Sn...Snape."

The Potions Master raised an eyebrow at the civility from Black. "She was raised in an orphanage and was later entered into a school that would train her to become a soldier. She fought in a war. She has been, stabbed, burned, had bones broken and has watched those close to her die from explosions, complex injuries, poison and blades.  
She fell in love and married a man of power and high standing. Clan Head was the phrase used and it seems these Clans use special abilities. The one she married into could manipulate shadows to their will - not Dark magic. The boy is her son and also the Heir to an Ancient Clan. A Clan that is also closely allied to two other Clans of equal lineage and power. We have kidnapped the Lady and Heir of an entire Clan of shadow-manipulating warriors; we have dug a truly deep grave for ourselves."

Among the muttering that sprang up, Tonks stood up silently before leaving the room, effectively silencing the proceedings. She turned around to face them at the sudden lack of noise and raised an eyebrow. "I'm going to unchain and revive the innocent boy we kidnapped who was only trying to protect himself and his mother, before returning him to said mother. There's no point or benefit in keeping him restrained and unconscious. Plus we're all in deep shit already. And maybe we should think about grovelling for mercy once we send Heather and her son back home to her family. Her family of shadow-manipulating, wandless-magic-using, battle-hardened, pissed-off soldiers by the way."

* * *

Tonks thought to herself that whoever Heather's...sorry, Yoshino's husband was, he made really cute kids. It made the heavy contrast of the shackles all that more sickening. She pressed the sequence of runes on the cast iron with her wand and they sprang apart. She took a minute to massage the pale wrists to get the blood flowing, before heaving up the unconscious boy; boosting her muscles in response to the weight.

She felt the tingle of a recognition ward pass over her skin and she pushed open the door of Yoshino's guest-room/holding-cell with her shoulder. She gulped as dark eyes and a ripple of bloodlust focused on her and the boy she was holding.  
"Your son," Tonks murmured, mustering her courage and walking past the smouldering, baleful fury of the female warrior and laying the child down on the bed as gently as possible.

"When will the drugs wear off?" The question was short and clipped, but Tonks took heart in the fact that Yoshino was willingly talking to her. Tonks counted in her head; "hmm, one and a bit hours."

"Your interrogator looked at my memories. Be warned that I will not cooperate with any plan to use me against my home."

Tonks shook her head. "We wanted to know about you, not your home. All we know about it is that it has a large, capable military force of which you are a part and that you are married to the Head of one of several uniquely powerful Clans."

"A Clan that you have declared war on."

Tonks sucked in a breath. "We know. What sort of war? I mean...total extermination, willing to negotiate or somewhere in-between?"

"Select execution of the guilty as well as a show of power as a warning example, I would expect. You declared war on the Nara Clan and through the Alliance, the Akimichi and Yamanaka Clans. Our Patrons may choose to get involved." The accompanying grin was most unsettling.

* * *

"Oh, sorry to disturb you," said the bushy-haired girl who poked her head around the door. "I just came to offer you the use of the baths and a new change of clothes."

Yoshino looked up from the book she had been given. "Why?"

The answer was a confused sputter; "Well, wouldn't you like a bath? You have been here four days."

"It would not be the first time I have gone without washing for days on end, and my son might as well learn to cope with it now."

A condescending huff. "Well, when you start to smell so bad that people refuse to talk to you, don't come running to me!"

"I've had dirt smeared into every inch of my skin, been drenched in blood, had my hair charred off and wounds infected. I learned to tune it out after a while. A little sweat and dust is nothing."

"Hey, lady," the new voice made Hermione turn and see a thin young boy with a his hair in a spiky ponytail holding a pile of books. "I've read all of these books and solved all the puzzles in them, can I get some new ones? The shapeshifter lady said I could ask for more."

Curious, Hermione grabbed the topmost book. Seeing it was a third-year rune dictionary and question book, she flipped through it. To her shock, all of the questions were filled in, correctly as far as she could see. "But...how!?"

A deadpan stare from the, what, seven-year-old. "New books. Please. I'm bored."

* * *

Sirius hurried into the kitchen at Grimmauld Place with a consternated expression. "It's Heather! My mother's portrait actually likes her!" As he swept passed them, Fred and George glanced at each other before rising from their seats.

Walburga Black approved of her idiot son's Goddaughter. She had Dorea's face and Charlus Potter's scathing attitude and had made a good marriage into a family with Shadow Magic. The boy needed some of the laziness beaten out of him, but she'd give him a pass for now, given that superior intellect and wandless Shadow Magic. It seemed that the society Yoshino came from had taken steps in the right direction; Muggles had proper deference even if they were in the know about magic and the use of blood in runes and summoning was common, if not sometimes encouraged.

Still her lack of basic knowledge was a disgrace to the name of Black. Their names had appeared on the tapestry under Dorea's offshoot, so it was official. If only she had a physical body..."You two boys! You're of age and descended of House Prewett, aren't you?" Ah, it seemed her new favourite relatives were already prepared for trouble; fire flickered at Yoshino's fingertips.

The twin Prewetts confirmed her guess. "I am enlisting you to teach this daughter of House Black apparition. Close your mouths, you gormless louts, before my good mood ends!...'"

* * *

Madame Amelia Bones pinched the bridge of her nose as she digested the story one of her best Junior Aurors had just told her. "Dear Merlin, Morgana and Mordred...I just hope we can alienate ourselves from Dumbledore in time so we don't get caught up in this."

Tonks shifted on her feet nervously as she stood in front of her superior. "Yoshino...Heather Potter, that is, means it too. She said this word 'Patron'. Snape didn't look too deep, but I think she's talking about something like an old Coven Patron. You know, when...'"

"When the Coven would invoke the spirit or raw magic of an extraordinarily powerful Elemental avatar or deceased magical. I'm a with of House Bones, Auror, don't quote my history to me; House Bones might choose not to practice our arts, that doesn't mean we've forgotten."

"Apologies, Ma'am."

"Does the rest of Dumbledore's little Club know what's coming?"

"They don't know about the Patron. I'm the only Pureblooded witch who's House practiced Covens they have and I haven't said a word. Severus Snape has disowned himself from the Order and plans to grovel alongside myself. Sirius has his mind stuck on getting Yoshino to acknowledge him as her Godfather. You know his personality, you can guess how that's going. Remus is torn between fleeing to join that werewolf pack in Cornwall and offering an apology. I had a crush on him for a while, but...I guess a man shows his true colours on the battlefield. The Weaselys are blithely going along with Dumbledore's whole chosen one thing, but the Twins might have cottoned on that something's a bit off. The two eldest sons were apathetic or opposed to the kidnapping from the beginning and both are out of the country. The Granger girl is in a right huff as she thinks Yoshino should conform completely to our beliefs; I have no idea how she'll end up. My parents support my stance to beg forgiveness and offer a debt of service."

Madame Bones looked askance. "A debt of service? If you think that's necessary...I will be sorry to lose you."

* * *

Shikaku felt the heavy weight of the skull mask as he set it on his head and the chakra in it coating his face in liquid shadow. He adjusted his seat on the mighty stag that ruled the Nara Forest. Behind him, the rest of the Nara men were astride their own stags. The Elders and himself wore antlered skulls that bathed their faces in darkness, donated remnants from the ancestors of their four-legged brethren.

This was a Clan war.

An unconscious bandit lay bound in the reverse summoning circle around which the mounted Clan stood. Without fuss, he was slaughtered and his blood fuelled the ritual that had been provided by the Patron of the Nara Clan and forefather of the Nara deer. The wise one himself was among them; black as pitch and with a rack of antlers that numbered a hundred points, moss and vines entwined in them as testament to how long he had lived. The Clan had been attacked, been put in danger, been wronged and he had answered the call.

Shadow flowed from the circle up the forms of the Nara and the deer, including the Patron. For a moment, there were only writhing black forms. Then sunlight was suddenly allowed to return, sweeping over the bloody circle in the empty clearing.

The Yamanaka and Akimichi would keep watch while the Nara exacted vengeance.

* * *

 **And that was where the Plot Bunny's lifespan ended. And if Doujutsu can come from a psycho rabbit Goddess, the Nara shadow techniques can come from a guardian spirit animal; more like how in the A:TLA universe, bending comes from animals. Of course, since Yoshino knows how to apparate, she could save Shikaku and Inoichi at the last minute.**

 **I looked through Japanese mythology and one of the kami of longevity and wisdom is accompanied by a black deer. Wisdom...intellect...Nara. Also, in real life, Nara city in Japan is occupied by over a thousand feral deer who are protected and will take food(special crackers can be easily bought) from your hand.**


	7. Hell is Empty, All the Devils are Here 1

**Hell is Empty, All the Devils are Here**

 **Ah, my first KHR! plot-bunny. I haven't seen this before, so I think this might be a new take. Hopefully this gets adopted, because I would like to see how it would grow up.**

 **This is based off the story** The Difference Between **, but far this is far less dark. This is an Abused!Tsuna/10thGen story as well, but more emotional/social neglect.**

 **Only read The Difference Between if you have a strong stomach for full-on manipulation, physical abuse of children, brainwashing, psychotic breaks, outright cold-blooded murder and enough dramatic irony to make you scream in anguish at whatever device you read fanfiction on.**

 **Blurb:** Something is not right in the Sawada household. The Varia looms on the distant horizon, but Reborn is more unsettled by Tsunayoshi's eerily competent Guardians and that he hasn't heard the Vongola Heir utter a single word this whole time.

 **Theme Song: Numb by Linkin Park**

* * *

Reborn carefully considered the information Iemitsu had given him about his own son. The boy seemed to be the opposite of the Cavallone boy. A full Guardian set, for one. But that was not all.

 _'My little tuna-fishie is so cold! I walked him through his first kill, but he was blank! No emotion whatsoever! Just disappeared off with his Guardians!'_

Iemitsu was a ditz, yes, but not nearly enough to not notice if his son had killed before. One of those humans who simply had no empathy for those they deemed unworthy? Maybe. That attitude was a double-edged sword for a Boss. An edge that Reborn would have to temper.

 _'Like calls to like when it comes to Guardian bonds, you know that. Who does my son have? A homicidal psychopath Mist, another Mist who's a shrinking violet, a destructively hyperactive Sun, a perpetually-daydreaming Rain, a rabid Storm, a bratty useless Lightning and a feral Cloud who attacks everyone on sight!'_

Certainly something to be concerned about; Guardians did reflect their Sky. Reborn could definitely hold his own though, no matter how well these brats had been trained by Iemitsu.

At least the fool hadn't gone through with the plan to seal his son's _Active Sky Flames._ Reborn had damn near shot the idiot when he heard about that. If the CEDEF Commander had been dropped on his head as a baby, the World's Greatest Hitman wouldn't be surprised.

At least it was a solid plan of introduction. Iemitsu would introduce him to the brats before immediately taking his wife on a two-week vacation to the other side of Japan. Two weeks for Reborn to get some asses in gear. More than enough.

* * *

The Sawada residence was thick with Sky Flame residue and Reborn felt a sudden pang of longing for a Sky to come home to. No; concentrate on the brats.

Nana Sawada was sickeningly naïve. After Iemitsu broke the 'wonderful news' about the two week vacation, she busied herself preparing tea and baked treats. Iemitsu quietly led Reborn up the stairs. The Sky Flames retreated cautiously as they ascended, curling protectively around now-discernable Guardian Flame-bonds.

"Ah, Reborn, why don't you introduce yourself while I make a few phone-calls?" Iemitsu smiled. "Maybe shake them up a bit as I know you like to do to people? They're dead set against me, so I'd rather not mar the first impressions."

The tiny hitman kicked the bedroom door down and was met with...nothing. In a Flame sense. No spikes of emotion, of Flames, no shouts or questions. The Flames of all eight children were oddly still, yet agitated, as if...boiling.

Physically, they were all looking directly at him, expressions unreadable. They were positioned unusually as well; barricading in the Sun. The boxer stood in the middle, fists at the ready, Tsuna next to him and the other Guardians arrayed in front. Protecting each other but for some reason their Sun most of all.

"Now then, Dame-Tsuna," Reborn pioneered, taking a step forward.

The wall of Flames that shot up in front of him was staggering. Not in strength, but in it's seamless blending of the seven Flame-types.  
The Sky Flames' reaction unbalanced Reborn the most. His entire life as a Mafioso, Skies had tried to pull him in, cranking up the Harmony factor to the max. These Flames were _rejecting_ him. Pushing him away, snarling and spitting with the Harmony using itself to become a _lack_ of Harmony.

And their body language spoke, not of fury or protection, but rather the bitter, resigned satisfaction that they would make their deaths _cost dearly._

Reborn may not have had the Vongola Hyper Intuition, but he had his gut instincts that had always served him well. Right now, they were _screaming._ Screaming not to assert his superiority and beat them down. Because now he looked, they seemed very fragile, like they would break and rage uncontrollably if he stepped towards them again.

* * *

Tsuna always slept with his Guardians, Reborn noticed. They would pile together on the bed like a pack of puppies deprived of their mother, despite how uncomfortable it must be. The taking watch was unusual. He didn't know for sure if this was habit for them or if it was because of his unfamiliar presence. Any conversation was subdued and inane, though so deliberately worded it had to be some sort of code.

It did Reborn's ego good at first to be treated with the respect and wariness one would give a dangerous predator, having been enduring being treated as a toddler for so long, but it quickly became unsettling. They took great pains to keep him in their sights and never let Tsuna or Ryohei Sasagawa go anywhere alone. They had the wariness of beaten animals.

And something niggled constantly in the back of Reborn's head. Tsuna was continuously leaching out Sky Flames; with a purpose. But what was he trying to accomplish? Every time he asked the Vongola Heir a question, he got a satisfactory answer despite the guarded demeanour...hold on.

The answers were always bland and satisfactory. But...why couldn't he remember the exact words? There had been no Flames around when he had cornered Tsuna without his Guardians, and his own Sun Flames were too strong for his mind to be tampered with without him noticing. He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Only his Sun and Tsuna's Sky Flames were present, he was certain. Tsuna had had his Harmony factor up and had answered...answered,...but...Reborn examined his memories with a fine-toothed comb.

The fluffy brown hair, the alarmed, then guarded, expression, the bruise on the left cheek from the morning's training, the miniscule emotions flitting across his face as he... didn't speak.

The proverbial lightning bolt struck Reborn dead on. Tsuna had not spoken a word. But how...Harmony. That's why it was up when it had been repelling him before. What was Harmony but encouraging acceptance, blending in, being unnoticed? Tsuna had given Reborn the impression that Tsuna had answered the question, everything was normal, never notice that he never actually said anything.

That was _devious._ Reborn approved highly. But that realisation made him recall all his other memories, only for him to realize that Tsuna _never_ spoke, even to his Guardians. They aquiesced to his wishes(somehow), Tsuna made people think that they had heard commands being issued and their minds filled in the rest. Useful on the battlefield, useful when avoiding questioning. But not _all the time._ So why...?'

Sickening dread coiled in the hitman's stomach. Was the Vongola Heir...mute?

* * *

It took only a day for Reborn to confirm his hypothesis; Tsuna was mute. He suspected that the boy was using his Harmony trick to plant his words into his Guardians' heads, impressing that he had already told them what he wanted them to do, as he had with Reborn. It probably worked even better considering he was bonded to them. That way he could guide them even if they were far apart from him.

Ingenious, truly. Still didn't explain why and how they moved eerily in sync with each other, always moving in the right way as if they were part of the same person rather than completely separate people whose differing personalities should have meant conflict or weakness of some sort.

And why were they so protective of Ryohei Sasagawa?

* * *

He found out the answer to his second dilemma when he pulled the young boxer away for healing training. The boy was silent as he pushed himself harder and harder, agonizing over every detail but still staying tense and wary of Reborn the whole time. When he made a few minor mistakes from sheer exhaustion, he looked ready to cry and his eyes held the visceral fear of a man facing the firing squad.

Without even thinking, Reborn raised gun-Leon in preparation to fire a rubber bullet or two, just to snap the boy out of it. That was when Tsuna appeared in front of him, eyes the searing orange of Hyper Dying Will Mode, cratering the ground with his bare hands in the spot Reborn had been just a split-second before.

 _ **'NO!'** _ Harmony screamed into Reborn's head and he blinked in shock at _actual words_ being projected, before he registered the other Guardians running in, eyes glowing with Flames and defiance. And then they _moved._ Not like a full Guardian set raging together, but silently, vengefully and in impossibly perfect synchronisation. Unnaturally perfect. Then they started speaking and Reborn felt a chill run down his spine.

 _"Go away!"_ they yelled in perfect chorus, same inflection, volume, pronunciation and everything. Even as Reborn fought them off with hammer-Leon, he resisted the urge to just flatten them as he usually would have, because they were finally sort-of explaining their protection of their Sun. All in chorus, with the mental reverberation of Tsuna's Harmony Words underneath.

 _"Don't want you!"_

 _"Hate you!"_

 _"No more, not again!"_

 _"Hurts!"_

 _"He's mine!"_

 _"Knew you would try and kill him!"_

 _"Don't want your bond!"_

What. Reborn's mind stuttered in consternation. They were convinced that he was going to kill Sasagawa to replace him as Sun. That these thoughts were fuelled from someone actually trying it before. No doubt they had been waiting for the shoe to drop the entire week he'd been here. The knowledge that he was the World's Greatest _Hitman_ obviously only exacerbated the situation.

Running through ideas in his head, Reborn made a calculated decision and threw Leon away into the trees. The kids jumped back, circling in wary confusion.  
"I'm not trying to replace, or kill, any of you," he called. "I'm here as a tutor, not as a job."

 ** _'_** _ **Truth.'**_ He felt Harmony Words tinged with Lightning echo through the Flame-saturated clearing. They all drew back, gravitating to Tsuna and each other as they mingled their Flames until they were almost one white blaze. Reborn suspected that Tsuna was holding entire conversations with them, but they seemed to be focusing on the Bovino brat who was gesticulating wildly, but still as silent as the rest.

After a moment, Tsuna walked over to him, hand wreathed in gently coiling Sky Flames. Reborn forced himself to still, but stayed alert. He did not expect that the moment the Flames touched his forehead the world would vanish into white.  
"Hello," said Tsuna, smiling wistfully. "Welcome to Haven."

Reborn started at Tsuna's voice, at him speaking, only to gape as he looked down and saw his _adult_ body. "What!" He spluttered. "How? And you..." His own voice trailed off as he took in Tsuna's appearance.  
The teen's chest and torso were swathed in bandages, one eye was taped with gauze and his face was gaunt and ribs protruding alarmingly from extreme malnutrition. Judging from the spots of fluid seeping through the bindings, they were bad burns, maybe second degree.

Immediately Reborn knelt, now that he was somehow taller and urgently pressed his Sun Flames to the injuries. Except that his Flames didn't register the wounds as even existing. Instead Tsuna's smile became curious and a little sad. "Sorry," he said. "Your Flames only work on physical injuries and this is inside my head. It doesn't hurt so much now though, so thank you."

Reborn pulled back his Flames, finally looking around them. It was white and empty, with no distinguishing features whatsoever. "Your mind?" He wondered aloud. "That explains you talking, but...adult is how I think of myself, so that makes sense. But what about _you?"  
_ A rueful smile. "Oh, the bandages. Well...you said it yourself, you think of yourself as an adult. The mental avatar reflects a persons mental and Flame state; this is me. I think you look nice, by the way."

Stunned, Reborn reached out his hand, but Tsuna flinched away. He felt sick to his stomach; this boy was so fragile and he had trampled all over his boundaries. If this was the state of Tsuna's mind and Flames...his mind screamed _abuse_ and then his stomach dropped to his boots. Tsuna was mute; Flames could heal and not even leave a scar if the user was skilled.

"Tsuna," Reborn said shakily. "When did you stop speaking?" Orange-brown eyes glanced away.

"I was about 5, maybe 6, I think. I remember being so frustrated that nobody would listen to me, they would wave off my concerns and opinions and tell me what I was going to do. I refused to speak to anyone, thinking I would finally get some attention. But nobody noticed. I was 7 when I realised that if no-one cared, why bother talking at all? I used my Flames to do minimum participation in school. When Hibari came across me, I tried to talk to him, only to find I couldn't, even when we Harmonized. I think a have a mental block or something, maybe Flame-enhanced. So I use Harmony to speak into their heads. Then Mukuro taught me to build a mindscape so we can come into my head and be together. We call it Haven, because it's safe. It means I don't exhaust my Flames speaking to them, even if it's easier because they're my Guardians."

Reborn relaxed slightly; that it wasn't physical was some form of relief, but this still didn't bode well. Also, that the metaphysical injuries were burns was ringing alarm bells, and their prior conviction that he was there to kill Sasagawa. Those could be addressed later, for now there was something the Hitman needed to do.  
"I am sorry," he breathed, bowing his head. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise, I'm truly an idiot, I should have realised..." Warm arms wrapped around his head and shoulders, pulling him into a scrawny bandaged chest.

"It's okay," Tsuna said softly. "I know now you were just trying to help us in what you thought was the right way. And you tried to heal me the moment we got here, so you do care a little bit. And you didn't try and burn me with your Flames, so that's good as well."

Ah yes, the burn wounds. Reborn pulled himself together, drawing back a little. "If your injuries are a direct representation, then...who forced their Flames on you, Tsuna?" The little Sky backed away nervously at his growl.  
"N-no, I won't!" He cried desperately, trembling and clutching his chest. "I can't accept his Flames, it hurts! You can't make me!"

" _He_ will never come near you again!" Reborn said as reassuring as possible, promising himself and Tsuna that this person would be eliminated with extreme prejudice and great satisfaction.  
A quavering, hysterical laugh tore itself from Tsuna's lips. "You can't...I'll...we'll never be free of him! He's my own personal demon, and he's dragging my precious Guardian's down to Hell with me!" Tsuna didn't resist when Reborn put his hand on his shoulder, his unsteady speech becoming choked with sobs.

In a flash of their respective Flame-colours, Tsuna's Guardians appeared in the mindscape, and Reborn took in their own appearances.

Chrome the Mist was bruised and battered, an oxygen mask fixed over her mouth and nose, but she held herself tall, her hair was clean and neat and she wore a pretty sundress. Unfortunately, the dress's bodice was crusted with dried blood and underneath she was liberally bandaged right up to the neck.  
Mukuro Rokudo the other Mist was heavily marked with keloid scar tissue, yet his suit was impeccably clean. The only mar was a bandaged left hand.  
Takeshi Yamamoto was undamaged save for considerable bruising.  
Hayato Gokudera was badly mauled, but the savage cuts were stitched and looked clean and on their way to closing over fully.  
Ryohei Sasagawa was littered in band-aids protecting tiny, deliberate-looking slices.  
Hibari Kyouya had heavy chains hanging from the shackles on his wrists, but he snarled and rattled them defiantly.  
Lambo Bovino had one eye taped with gauze, the same as Tsuna.

"Tsuna explained then?" Yamamoto asked as he took in Reborn's protective demeanour.  
"Aah," Reborn affirmed. "I apologised for not realising what was going on sooner. But I asked who had forced his Flames on him, so I could make him pay, but...'"

"Trust me, if you think the little fish looks bad now, you should have seen him when we first built this place," Mukuro grimaced, conjuring his trident from thin air and leaning on it. "His bandages were completely soiled and he was as thin as a Holocaust survivor. It's his bonds to us that healed him to this point."  
"Starved of any affection whatsoever," Chrome clarified.

Hibari rattled his chains again, scowling at Ryohei, who sighed and hefted the ends off of the floor to share some of the weight. "Otouto is extremely brave!" He exclaimed, before his expression fell. "He is in so much pain," he said miserably.

"Do not crowd the little feral," Hibari hissed, stalking over to Tsuna with Ryohei in two. Reborn backed away, not wanting the agitate further the already stressed Cloud. The self-proclaimed carnivore put his arms around Tsuna's waist, humming gently. The young Sky leaned back into the embrace.

"I'll help you," Gokudera spat furiously at Reborn. "We all will. The Vongola can rot for all we care, the Boss comes first and...we're not strong enough yet. We won't rest easy until the fucking Commander screams in the darkest bowels of Hell."

"Commander is bad," Bovino sniffled dejectedly as Chrome picked him up and passed him to Tsuna, who clung to him like a lifeline. "Future Lambo knows that Reborn is good for Tsuna-nii and will help. So Lambo tells Tsuna-nii and now Reborn is here!"

Reborn practically pricked his ears at the mention of the name 'Commander'. "Who is this Commander and why is Tsuna so frightened of him? Besides the obvious."

It was Tsuna who spoke up, barely above a whisper as he turned his one desolate and despairing eye to Reborn.

"The Commander of the CEDEF, Iemitsu Sawada."

* * *

 **Going to stop it there, but there will be a part 2. I've left out why they thought Reborn was going to murder Ryohei, after all.**

 **Clarification: Tsuna started out with Selective Mutism, but it soon became Progressive Mutism, which is why he can't even talk to his Guardians, whom he trusts implicitly.**

 **Iemitsu was semiconsciously trying to mould Tsuna with his own Sky Flames, but he didn't notice when they burned Tsuna's soul instead.**

 **Because of being so invested in the mindscape Haven and only communicating through the Harmony factor, Tsuna internalizes his emotions, which is why he seemed so unaffected at his first kill. That night they all piled into Haven and comforted him as he cried.**

 **What do you guys think? About a semi-hive-mind 10thGen?**


	8. Hell is Empty, All the Devils are Here 2

**Hell is Empty, All the Devils are Here**

 **Part 2, yay!**

 **Warnings for beyond-abysmal parenting, pain conditioning, child neglect and child gladiators(practically). Also, Italian swearing and Mukuro being a creepy little shit.**

* * *

 _Last Time:_

 _Reborn practically pricked his ears at the mention of the name 'Commander'. "Who is this Commander and why is Tsuna so frightened of him? Besides the obvious."_

 _It was Tsuna who spoke up, barely above a whisper as he turned his one desolate and despairing eye to Reborn._

 _"The Commander of the CEDEF, Iemitsu Sawada."_

* * *

Reborn's blood ran cold. A part of his brain acknowledged that most child abuse was by a family member in a position of care, if not one or both parents. Another part was jarred as it tried to reconcile the naïve, ditzy man with the damaged children he could see. Yet another told him that it was entirely possible, considering that Iemitsu could have become so obsessed he broke all acceptable limits when it came to child-rearing, which meant a fourth part of his brain was now seething anger at both the abuse and at how long this had been going on for without anyone noticing.

The Hitman saw the wary looks the children were giving him, expecting him to dismiss their accusation of Iemi...the Young Lion and he took a deep steadying breath.

"I can train you to be strong," he said slowly, starting at the beginning so they could follow his line of thinking. "But that won't do much good, since that's what he wants. When you eventually become strong, it will be too late to gain support against him, since any definitive proof will be gone or obscured by time.  
What I can do is put you in contact with trustworthy people now. People who will see what's going on and start discretely spreading the word. I already have a person in mind. Don Dino Cavallone, one of my former pupils. It won't be thought much of if I call him over; it'll be assumed that I'm using him as a role-model or rival for you."

"Will he try and take me away?" Chrome asked nervously, wringing her hands together. "It hurts." Mukuro pulled her into his chest protectively.

"Dino would never force any Bonded away from their Sky," Reborn assured her. "Nobody would. At least...did someone try and take you away from Tsuna? You have Flame burns as well." She nodded.

"We Harmonized with Tsuna at the same time," Mukuro explained. "The Commander didn't believe us and he tried to force a Bond with Chrome. We...it hurt...I was just so _angry_ that I...even all of us together weren't strong enough to stop him. When his Flames didn't take no matter how hard he pushed, he went ballistic. He said Tsuna wasn't allowed to have more than one of each Flame-type and that Tsuna could only have the strongest."

Strongest of each Flame-type. Ryohei Sasagawa. Reborn as a possible replacement. "Porco Guida," he muttered hoarsely, reverting to his native Italian. "Figlio di puttana, cazzo, cazzo, cazzo...He made you fight, didn't he?"

"He said there was only one Vongola Mist Ring after all," Yamamoto said dejectedly. "He thought only Mukuro had Harmonized and he said that if Mukuro died to another Mist, Tsuna would Harmonize with the winner. You're the Arcobaleno Sun, so we thought...'"

Reborn slammed his fist into the white not-ground. "He's dead," he seethed, solid yellow eyes literally smouldering. "He's a dead man walking."

* * *

"Reborn's going to kill me~e!" Dino wailed, his men worriedly flitting around him. How was it possible to get lost in a town this size?!

The blonde squawked in alarm as tonfa coated in Cloud Flames smashed into the pavement in front of him, the dust clearing to reveal a school-uniformed teenager with a red armband pinned to the arm of the jacket on his shoulders.  
"You are the horse and his herd?" the teen asked, pulling back his Flames.

Dino nodded mutely, sensing the Sky Flames shot through the Cloud's and that something had this Cloud incredibly stressed and protective to the point of being on a constant hair-trigger. "Who are you?" He asked warily, motioning to his men that they should follow.  
"I am Carnivore," said the Cloud matter-of-factly, no doubt his given nom de guerre rather than his actual name. "You will follow me to a safe place. We are waiting for-"

A spasm ran through Carnivore's body, before his eyes began to bleed purple. "Sky," he breathed. "I'll bite you to death."

Dino dodged the first two strikes, then reached down and uncoiled his whip. What was up with this Cloud? Dino hadn't even reached out to him and the boy had been perfectly calm and civil just moments before! Not wanting to hurt who was obviously the Cloud Guardian of his honorary little brother, he only let his whip leave thin slices that bled profusely. When that failed to deter, he did his best to trip and bind.

Luckily, a familiar green hammer cratered the ground in between them before it started getting truly bloody.

"Chaos," Dino's old tutor said in greeting. "Hibari-san, if you reach out to Tsuna, you'll find that he's fine." The Cloud tilted his head and sighed, tension easing out of him.

Dino fell to the ground, twitching, as the tiny Hitman clocked around the head with hammer-Leon. "A good Boss is always prepared, useless-Dino! Since you got lost so easily, I suppose you're in need of some remedial training. I'll introduce you to Tsunayoshi, but keep a lid on your Flames, whatever you do, or his Guardians will go berserk."

* * *

Dino hadn't known what to expect as they approached the clearing, but an exhausted, fluffy little Primo Vongola clone who flinched in fear when he laid eyes on him, was definitely not in his mind. It was far too reminiscent of a beaten, neglected colt he had once seen, long ago.  
"Dios, Reborn," Dino breathed. "What have you done?"

The Strongest Sun tipped his fedora forward to bathe his eyes in shadow. "I'm brutal, Dino, you know that. But I'm not the one who broke his spirit. And it goes far deeper than that."

"You're a Sky," a voice purred behind Dino as a finger deliberately laid itself on the now-thundering pulse in the crook of his jaw. "Sky Flames have only ever blinded us, bound us, _burned us_. When the little fish found out Reborn's friend was a Sky...he forgot how to breathe."  
The finger was joined by the rest of a hand, caressing the Cavallone's Adam's Apple ever-so-gently as fear seeped into the blonde's bones.  
"Just imagine it," the voice crooned. "The mass expulsion of air in a single breath as the diaphragm pulls flat and the ribcage tightens. The trachea constricts as adrenaline floods through his brain, vision darkening at the edges even as he struggles to take in that life-giving oxygen. The _fear_ , the _panic_ , the _pain_ that screams through his Flames. Begging, _pleading_ for his Guardians to save him from the approaching, unstoppable, _burning_ Soul whose Flame-type he knows only brings the dark, cold abyss of Space."

The grip tightened and Dino felt hot breath on the nape of his neck.  
"Will you burn us, Cavallone?"

"Shrike!" A Japanese Rain carrying a bamboo shinai broke in. "You should know better than anyone that people lash out when they're scared."  
A quiet scoff and the sudden crushing despair lifted from Dino, sending him staggering forward. He regained his senses in time to see a Mist with dark blue hair hefting a trident stalking across the grass to stand by Tsunayoshi's shoulder.

"Thank you for the explanation, Rokudo, even if it was a bit much on the intimidation front," Reborn said wryly, kicking Dino in the shin. "A Boss always introduces himself, useless-Dino, you are being extremely rude right now."

Head still reeling from the implications of what the Mist had said, _'another Sky forced their Flames on Tsunayoshi and his Guardians, conditioned for Sky Flames to mean pain'_ , Dino introduced himself mechanically, not realising that Tsuna didn't reply likewise.  
"Aah, you have wonderful Guardians," Dino said, not noticing the glimmer of dawning hope and incredulous wistfulness in Tsuna's eyes at the compliment. "They care a lot about you and they're very strong. I guess that means you're a caring person and strong as well, right?"

The Cavallone Don's eyes flew open wide in shock as he felt tentative flickers of Tsuna's Sky Flames hovering around him, nudging him gently. He leaked out a little of his own Flames, Tsuna's drawing back some, before swirling forward again. Dino made his Flames as soft and welcoming as possible, trying to sooth the skittish ones that danced around him for a minute before brushing up against him. The boy stepped forwards, and before Dino could react, tapped him on the forehead with a handful of Sky Flames.

The world went white and Dino spun round in shock, coming face-to-face with a high-quality waistcoat and tailor-cut yellow shirt. Dark eyes shadowed by an Italian silk fedora and framed by familiar curled sideburns stared down at him and Dino screeched incoherently in shock.  
"Get a hold on yourself, Cavallone," Reborn said harshly, grabbing him by the shoulders. "We don't have time for you to be surprised. Welcome to the truth."

The Hitman turned him around and Dino could only gape in horror.

"Reborn wanted you to see this," Tsuna said quietly. "Things aren't exactly quite right, you see."  
He gestured to each of his Guardians in turn; "You've met Carnivore, my Cloud and Shrike's the Mist who was being creepy just now. Lionfish is my other Mist. Shuinsen is my Rain and Quicklime my Storm. Taiyang is Sun and this little one here is Fulgurite. Sorry about being such a mess, but we're trying to do something about it. That's why you're here."

"Dios, Reborn, why are you just standing there!" Dino yelled. "These kids are hurt, heal them already!"

"I can't, Dino." His tutor replied distantly, a snarl creeping into his voice. "Flames don't work here. This is Tsuna's mindscape and these are their mental avatars. These are their minds and Flames; Tsuna has been fucking mute for years because nobody listened to him and he gave up talking! Lionfish had a Forced Harmonization attempted on her! Take a good long look at what Iemitsu Sawada is doing to them!"

The words rang in his skull and he toppled backwards onto his ass. "W-what?" He stammered, before his brain caught up and pushed the word _abuse_ into the front of his head. All the horror stories he had been told since he Activated came flooding back; Soul Burns, Forced Harmonization, Flame Suppression, Flame Rape...' And then all the physical and mental abuse he had heard of raised it's ugly heads.

He tasted bile on his tongue.

"Dios," he muttered. "Dios. His own son. How does no-one know?"

Reborn reached down his hand to him and pulled him to his feet. "We need to get the word out. Discretely. Who knows how Iemitsu will take it if he finds out? We need dissent in the ranks of Vongola about what sort of training the Heir is getting, if not Iemitsu's own capability to lead."

"I understand," Dino affirmed, mouth set in a grim line as he dusted himself down. "There's not a chance in Hell that this is continuing. No-one hurts my little brother, not even the Young Lion."

"Little...brother?" Tsuna piped up, voice quavering. Dino forced the anger from his face, smiling as gently as possible as he knelt in front of the little Sky and offered his hand. "Tsunayoshi Sawada. I would be truly honoured if you would accept my loyalty and that of the Cavallone Famiglia, as not only an Ally, but also as a brother and a friend."  
Dino's Flames _sang_ as Tsuna's hand slipped into his, the little Decimo's own Flames washing over them both like a warm sea. "I...I guess another nii-chan would be nice...'" The Sun covered in band-aids whooped excitedly and latched onto the Rain, babbling about something 'Extreme!'. "...can I call you Onii-chan?"

Dino's heart felt a tiny bit lighter. "That would be wonderful, Tsuna. Thank you so much, Otouto." He was promptly blinded by the beaming smile that spread across Tsuna's face. Were those actual sparkles, or was Shrike the creepy Mist messing with him again? It took a second or two to blink them away.  
"Hey, Tsuna, let me tell you about when I was in Mafia Academy. I was in the same class as this guy from the Superbi Familglia, genius at swords, but an utter loudmouth. Somehow we became friends of a sort and through him I met his Sky. Tell me, Tsuna, what do you know of Xanxus Vongola of the Varia and the Cradle Affair?...'"

* * *

 _ **Damn, this is actually stretching to a Part 3!**_

* * *

 **So yeah, I'm giving the 10thGen codenames. Because this is fanfiction, dammit. Also, I have a weakness for symbolism and codenames.**

 **Hibari Kyouya = _Carnivore_ (Do you need to ask why?)**

 **Mukuro Rokudo = _Shrike_ (A Eurasian bird that eats large insects and small rodents. It stores them to eat later by impaling them, probably still half-alive, on thorn bushes.)**

 **Chrome = _Lionfish_ (A very pretty, ornamental-looking fish that disorientate their prey and have poisonous defensive spines.)**

 **Takeshi Yamamoto = _Shuinsen_ (Red Seal Ship. Early 17th Century Japanese armed merchant ships. Japanese traders were very much feared as 'devils' in the rest of Asia.** **)**

 **Hayato Gokudera = _Quicklime_ (Calcium Oxide. Used as an explosive weapon throughout history. Ignites on contact with water*cough*fights with Takeshi*cough*.)**

 **Ryohei Sasagawa = _Taiyang_ (One of the 14 major stars in Chinese Zi Wei Dou Shu fortune-telling. Translates to Sun. Means masculinity, self-sacrifice, ideals, power and capacity to give.)**

 **Lambo Bovino = _Fulgurite_ (When lightning strikes sand or ground containing certain minerals, it becomes glass and creates a fossil of itself.)**


	9. Hell is Empty: Announcement

Hell is Empty, All the Devils are Here

It will just not stop spawning more ideas, so it is now it's own story.

It won't go through all of canon and it will probably be more fluffy shorts than anything, but hey, people seem to like it.


	10. Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity

**Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity**

 **I...I have no idea. I've been dipping in and out of One Punch Man for a while, then I went and played some online flash games because I was bored and had nothing better to do; the Sushi Cat series, among others.**

 **Somehow, my brain came up with this. It's wacky, stupid and unbelievably cute. And it fits with the Japanese setting, as well as the concept of the OPM universe.**

 **Song: Nyan Cat EXTREME Rock/Metal Version.**

When Saitama went to sleep, he did it with the mind-set that nothing particularly interesting would happen the next day. That way, any supervillains that showed up would be more of a surprise. A stupid idea, really. It took one punch to put a supervillain down; that's just how it was for him.

So when he woke up one morning to the feel of a small, warm weight on his stomach, he paused. This was unusual to the extreme for him. He savoured the feeling of surprise for a few seconds, before sitting up. The sudden motion disturbed the weight and it rolled onto the floor with an audible 'wulub' sound and a surprised "mmrrow?"

Saitama blinked at the strange creature. It resembled a kitten that was unhealthily obese to the point of being near-spherical. He said kitten, because it was only the size of a grapefruit. It was a shade of greyish-blue, like some of the hideously rare and expensive breeds of cats these days, but with darker tabby stripes on it's back and forehead. Oh yes, and it appeared to have no limbs to speak of. It's eyes were large and shiny as it stared up at him, before it bounced back onto the edge of the futon with a folding, caterpillar-like motion and a 'squip!' sound, repeating the motion again until it was in the hollow of his lap. It squirmed and turned until it was apparently comfortable, then made to go back to sleep.

Unsure of exactly how to hold it, Saitama settled for sliding his open hands underneath, until the kitten rolled gently into his palms, blinking up at him good-naturedly once again. It felt vaguely like a water balloon covered in fur, if the water was a soft jelly instead, that is. He could feel no bones, but he could feel four tiny lumps that were most likely the beginnings of paws and maybe legs.

Alien, maybe? Or some sort of weird experiment? Either was possible these days. It definitely wasn't a normal cat. Could it be intelligent as well?

"Hello," he said, figuring it was best to start simple and polite. "My name is Saitama. Who are you?"

"Prrrp? Ssss-aaai-mrraa?"

Okay, so it couldn't talk. Although, that did sound like it was trying to say his name.

He had always liked cats. Maybe a super-cat wouldn't run away from him like normal ones did nowadays.

* * *

Apparently his cat had the power of indestructability. He had seen this power several times, most notably in himself, but not a version where the indestructability came from being made of bouncy gel. Oh, and if he ate sushi, he would grow exponentially in size temporarily.  
Aside from the little mishap that led to that discovery("My ceiling!"), life was good. Wasabi(it's a perfectly sensible name for a cat thank-you-very-much) was exceedingly good natured and very intelligent. The blue of his coat had brightened as he grew, but his legs stayed short and stubby; he was no less handsome, Saitama made sure to reassure him.

* * *

"I'm very sorry," Saitama said to Wasabi, the chubby feline mewling pitifully inside the cat carrier. "But I don't want you getting hurt by those nasty mosquitoes coming this way. They drained all those farm animals dry and I don't want that to happen to you. I've put lots of layers of mosquito netting over the bars, so you should be fine."

As Saitama made his way on to his little concrete balcony, green elephant watering can in hand, a single mosquito began buzzing around him.

* * *

Genos looked down in shock at the blue blob gnawing on the toe of his boot that was making growly squeaks. Saitama picked it up by the middle with an admonishing "No, Wasabi you don't know where that shoe's been."

"I'm sorry about that," he said apologetically, holding the...blue squishy cat? "He's been locked in a pet carrier all day and he's a little cranky."

"...Is that a cat, Master?" Genos finally asked weakly.


	11. The Northern Wall of Arendelle

**The Northern Wall of Arendelle**

 **Watched Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. Adore Olivier Armstrong. OlivierxMiles is now one of my favourite ships. Along with EdWin, Royai and LingFan. Greed and Greeling are favourite Homunculi. Kimblee has my vote for Best Michael Jackson, Sociopath League.**

 **Olivier invaded my brain with this and the Briggs Bears have barricaded themselves in.**

* * *

King Agnarr blinked in surprise at his four-year-old eldest daughter, who had apparently grabbed her Nanny by the hand and forcibly towed the poor woman through the castle to his private office, thwacking anybody who tried to halt their progress on the shins with a wooden ruler. Little Elsa curtsied politely with impeccable grace for her age, hefted the ruler over her shoulder like it was a sword and boldly pronounced, "Father, I wish to learn the sword. I will need it if I am to join the army."

Agnarr groaned, resting his face in his hands and gesturing for the stuttering Nanny to leave. "Elsa, sweetheart, I know you have your heart set on this, but you can't join the army. It's only for boys."

Her little black shoe tapped impatiently on the floor. "Father, I need to have experience in order to lead these men when I become Queen. I will not rely on grasping generals and sit on a throne in velvet dresses; I will lose all respect as a ruler. If I were a boy you would let me and I'm already better than any my age. Also, there's no law against it, I checked."

She was right. His stubborn little snowflake was right. What had his mother been thinking when she put that loophole in?! Regardless, it was his prerogative as her father to keep her safe. "Sweetheart, you know Arendelle is a peaceful trading kingdom. We have plenty of treaties in place to keep us safe from invasion. You won't get to see much action."  
Elsa grinned sharply, not hearing a negative response to her oft-repeated petition.

"If my new sword tutor could start next week Father, that would be much appreciated. Good day, Your Majesty, I'm going to visit Anna." She turned about heel, not even giving him a chance to answer, and strode out the door. Agnarr wearily crossed to his bookshelf and pulled out the latest census, flicking through the pages for a competent swordsman.

Little did he know, his daughter had once been Major General Olivier Mira Armstrong of Amestris, Northern Wall of Briggs, Terror of the Mountains, Bear of the North, Scourge of Drachma and Ice Queen in an entirely different context, but nonetheless still applicable.

* * *

The sword tutor, Master Arvid Pettersson soon found Princess Elsa to be a prodigy at swordplay, favouring a rapier-style and utterly ruthless in her demeanour. Like the cold North Wind itself. The few faults she had would smooth out as she grew, but she was already a formidable opponent.

"Ah, Mistress Bente!" He said cheerfully, greeting the Crown Princess's History tutor with his most charming smile. "It is time for the Little North Wind to besiege her books then?"

The well-starched lady glared imperiously. "Her Highness is a most eager student of History, Master Pettersson. I cannot believe she would choose to tramp all over the Kingdoms, knee-deep in mud and waving about an oversized knife, as _some types_ do. And you will desist from bestowing the Princess with nicknames! It is not your place man!"  
He winced at the harsh rebuke, but hid it with his most condescending bow. "My deepest apologies, but Her Highness seems to have taken a shine to the cognomen. I'm also not surprised at her avid interest in the Histories; she will not only be a terrifying master of the blades, but put loyal soldiers behind her to command and she will be a force of nature."

The lady stiffened at his last statement, before her face was once again schooled into a mask of disdain. "We will take our leave now, Master Pettersson," she sniffed as Princess Elsa stalked over to where they stood.  
He stood puzzled for a moment, wondering what on earth had been wrong with his observation to startle her so.

* * *

 **I am seriously considering a drabble series for this, also crossing over with Tangled and partly with Brave and How To Train Your Dragon. Major Miles will definitely make his appearance.**

 **Review if interested.**


	12. Northern Wall of Arendelle part2

**The Northern Wall of Arendelle part 2**

 **This is where the crossover with Tangled begins.**

 **I suppose I should officially announce that this crossover is _not_ going to be Disney-sanitised. Come on; it's a crossover with FMAB and Olivier is shades of Game of Thrones-style ruthless even for that.**

"Good to see you, Agnarr!" King Frederic boomed, clapping the smaller man on the back. "And Iduna! Still as lovely as ever, I see!" He said, bending to kiss the Queen's proffered hand. "And this must be your eldest. Princess Elsa, I presume?" He said a little more softly, bending down so as to be on a level with the six-year-old.

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Your Majesty," she curtsied. "I have read much on Corona's history in anticipation for this visit."

"Wonderful, so glad to hear that you were looking forward to this," he said sincerely. "In fact, I've arranged a gift for you, in hopes to strengthen the goodwill between our respective countries' next generation!"

Agnarr and Iduna fervently prayed that it wasn't a doll or a dress or something inherently 'girly'.

* * *

"A fine colt from the Royal Stables," King Frederic announced cheerfully as Agnarr and Iduna silently thanked the gods for answering their prayers as Elsa looked on in avid interest. The colt was one of the finest animals in all the Kingdoms. Legend, as well as Royal History, said that Corona's horses had been blessed by the Faeries a few hundred years ago, leading to intelligence, a long lifespan and enhanced senses. These days, the Faerie strain was carefully confined to the Royal Stables, gifted only to fellow Royals and used exclusively by the Royal Guard.

The colt, despite it's bandy-legged youth, was already well-proportioned. The large, expressive eyes and lips were the sign of the Faerie breed, but the chest was wide with sloping shoulders and large haunches for superior speed. The thicker neck and barrel indicated the strength and stamina the colt would be able to acquire once he matured.

The near-human curiosity was coming into play right now, as he bounded unsteadily towards the newcomers. He snuffled curiously at each of them, until he reached Elsa, who drew herself up to her full(not very impressive) height and loudly commanded "sit!"

His rump slammed down onto the grass independently of his thought process, much to his shock.

"Good boy," she affirmed, a wry smile on her face. "How do you like the name Maximus?"

* * *

Queen Arianna smiled fondly at her husband as, despite being clad in his royal regalia of fur-lined sleeveless coat and gold chain, mock-sparred with the young Crown Princess of Arendelle in the grand entrance hall. Elsa wielded a wooden training sword she had brought with her with determination and ferocity, while Frederic pushed her back easily with power and experience despite only being armed with a thin branch. His uproarious laughter brought a smile to Arianna's lips even as Iduna, her fellow queen and compatriot and confidante in many womanly things, slid over to stand by her side.  
"I'm sorry, but...how are you doing?"

"I'm fine." Arianna cursed the slight wobble to her voice even as Elsa lost her temper and stomped her foot in a pique of childish frustration. "I apologise, it's just that...they would have been the same age and...'" Iduna squeezed her hand in sympathy.

"I know, Ari, I know. The border guards still check everyone and everything, but...forgive me please for this cruel, cruel question. Corona still has those who practice The Ways and walk freely, unlike Arendelle. I know that Frederic was desperate when you came down with Childbed Fever and we don't blame you! But you must have found some people during that time before you found that flower and...Elsa...my little girl has a Gift. And we don't know what to do."

* * *

"She really does like horses, doesn't she?" King Frederic murmured contentedly to King Agnarr as he leaned back in the Royal Carriage. "It seems my intuition was correct." Indeed, Elsa, was sat in the saddle of an incredibly docile older nag, surrounded and led by a mixed contingent of both Corona and Arendelle guards.

"She likes the height and the control, I think," Agnarr muttered back, his voice masked by the cheering crowd that lined the streets for the Parade. "And don't feed me that nonsense, Frederic, I know you have a Farseer you visit. As long as you, and they, keep it to selecting gifts I have no quarrel."

"Never fear Agnarr," Frederic retorted. "In any case, I have her watching over a little problem we're having with slavery on the East Coast. Children from faraway lands are being shipped in for indentured servitude, but until we catch the smugglers in the act, we have no culprits."

"By the Frozen Heart, that's gravely disturbing indeed," Agnarr agreed in hushed tones. "You sly old bear, you wouldn't have told me so much unless you have a plan already."

Frederic flicked a mote of dust from his coat. "Mm. Your visit was deliberately announced to every town, hamlet and lone house, the East Coast in particular. A grand opportunity to scout for any foreigners acting suspiciously estranged or bullied. The people gathering for the Parade...well, I have a team of my best men in place waiting for the ship that intends to make use of such a distraction."

* * *

A lit fire on the shallow beach burned bright despite the sunlight and the ship's captain lowered his spyglass. "Good, all clear for unloading." As he turned, he spotted a slight figure lurking by the deck hatch. "Rat Boy! Get down below before I tan your hide again!" The child didn't move at first, but then a sneer twisted his lips and he turned and ran below.

As the captain yelled orders to the crew in the rigging, he couldn't stop the shudder down his spine as a pair of red, _old_ eyes bored into his skull from behind.

Freak.

This was the last time; he'd not have that slave-boy on his ship for another trip more. As soon as they'd offloaded the cargo, they'd drop him overboard tied to a ballast sack. Scullion slaves were cheap to replace anyway.


End file.
